24
Day 3: 11:00 PM – 12:00 AM

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Brother, Brother

Meanwhile, over in Whatever Mexico, where Charlie, Juan and Sergio are waiting for the chopper, there are these annoying rivulets of blood streaming across Special Agent Charlie Brown's face. Now, clearly some special-effects makeup artist drew these onto Badge's face -- I call him "Badge," because that's what Reiko calls him; I'm such an insider -- and then said, "Now, don't touch your face or you'll ruin the blood!" But who the fuck would ever have a bloody face and not, at some point, wipe his face with his hands or sleeves? Because otherwise? He looks like Boy George as Leigh Bowery in Taboo. The chopper descends, and Badge totally turns away so that the wind doesn't muss his maquillage. "Captain Reiss" emerges from the landed chopper and assesses the situation. Charlie Brown explains that they have to get out of there before the Salazars realize that CTU knows where they are located. He walks over Juan and Sergio and tells them to get into the chopper. "We can't leeve her like thees," protests Juan Voight, gesturing over to PoorManAngelinaJolie's dead body in the flatbed of the truck they escaped in. "Hector is coming," explains Charlie Brown. "You need to think about your son." Aw, there isn't a luggage rack where they can stuff her? Man, that's raw! Juan Voight and Sergio get into the chopper and it takes off, assuring that an Ancient Greek curse will fall on someone's house now that Angelina's not getting a proper burial. Her ghost will haunt the fields of Whatever Mexico for years and scare children with the sheer size of its lips.

Back over at Palmerville, Brother Palmer sneaks into a conference room to make a private phone call. Palmer's chief of staff doesn't have his own office? I mean you'd think the President's brother would at least have a cubicle or something. Is this because he's black? It turns out that the phone call is being made to Milliken, a.k.a. William Ocean, III. The phone is answered by Milliken himself. No secretary. No butler. Is this the black thing, still? Are we to assume that Condoleezza Rice has to sit in some nasty windowless room in the White House right near the kitchenette where Karl Rove pops microwave popcorn every single day without fail at 3 in the afternoon? "Karl, I'm begging you! Could you please at least switch to a different brand? That fake butter is giving me a headache." "Chill, Condi. I need to keep my blood sugar up." Cheney walks by. "What are you two kids fighting about now?" But I jest. Brother Palmer has to make a phone call from a public room because Palmer has to walk by, overhear the conversation, grab the phone, and get into it some more with William Ocean, III. Furthermore, they're still at Division. And William Ocean, III has to answer his own phone, because they don't have money in the budget to hire an actress to play Ocean's secretary. "I don't want to go to war with you, [William]," says Palmer. "It's your choice," says William Ocean, III. "On any other issue, I'd bend over backwards to accommodate you. Not on this one." "Then you only have yourself to blame for the consequences," says Palmer. "And I promise you, you won't like them." Palmer hangs up and asks Brother Palmer when Lady Mac is getting there. Brother Palmer tells him that Lady Mac will be there in five minutes, and asks if he's sure about bringing her into this. Palmer points out that they're "in a street fight," and that that's Lady Mac's specialty. True, but I'm with Wayne on this one. I mean, D.C. is full of people who are unscrupulous and vicious. Palmer's ex-wife isn't the only bad seed in town. But most importantly? Lady Mac may fight dirty, but she still never wins the fight. Day One, she tried to defy Palmer and the plan blew up in her face. Day Two, she tried to bring a nuclear B-O-M-B into the country to embarrass Palmer, and that didn't go as planned either. If Palmer wants to get a hair-puller in there, more power to him. But get one who knows what she's doing, okay? And I realize that they just have to get Penny Johnson Gerald back on our screens by any means necessary, but the writers need to finesse that a little better. Palmer also points out that they are on the verge of an international crisis with this V-I-R-U-S in Mexico, so they need to have Lady Mac take care of the Milliken mishegas so that they can focus on the V-I-R-U-S.

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