Day 3: 11:00 PM – 12:00 AM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: C+ | Grade It Now!
Brother, Brother

It's slide-show time at CTU. Soul Patch shows Adam, Crystal Gael, Spawn, Bitchelle, and a bunch of extra agents a surveillance picture of Amador. And, of course, the picture shows Faggy Amador emerging from a limo with a cell phone in his ear. Just so we're all on the same page about Amador being evildoer on the go. Soul Patch reminds the agents, and the audience, that Amador represents the Ukrainian scientists. Hey, if Amador is only representing the Ukrainian scientists -- who are said to be selling the V-I-R-U-S at a discount because they just want to get their money and disappear -- then why doesn't Amador just sell the V-I-R-U-S to Al-Qaeda or whoever for the full billion and leave Kiefer, Nina, and the Salazars out of this? And since the only reason the Salazars are dealing with Kiefer is his connection to Amador, why doesn't Kiefer just seize the V-I-R-U-S from Amador, since he already has a connection to him? Why break Hartmano out of prison and all of that other crap?

Adam the Woman Hater asks Soul Patch why they don't just seize Amador already. Yeah, what he said! Soul Patch answers that they don't know for sure if Amador is carrying the V-I-R-U-S. "Once [Kiefer] confirms that it is the [V-I-R-U-S], then the Delta teams will go in and intercept it," explains Bitchelle. So then Adam is all, "Delta asked for a photograph of the woman that [Kiefer] is working with so I sent them this...." He starts to make all these clicks on his laptop and Soul Patch is all, "No Adam, wait!" It's too late. Nina's fake passport pops up on the screen. Spawn is shocked. Or rather, if Elisha Cuthbert wasn't phoning in her performances lately, she'd be shocked.

Two things about Nina's fake passport: Her alias is "Sarah Berkeley," which is obviously an in-joke about the fact that Sarah Clarke got married to Xander Berkeley. Secondly? Her birthdate is listed as May 5, 1975. I am six years older than Nina. This fact is eating at me because I'm always watching TV and assuming that these people who are out there doing fabulous things are older than I, and that one day in the no-so-distant future, my "life" is going to start and I'm going to be an international superstar terrorist who speaks all these languages and makes out with all of these fabulous guys. But no, Nina is already doing these things and she's still in her twenties. The clock is ticking! Okay, let me clarify. First off, I totally make out with fabulous guys all the time. Secondly, it's not so much that I want to betray my country and kill my boss's wife and be this international fugitive...but I want to feel that my options are open. I mean, I'm this guy who watches TV for a living. Even if I went evil, it would take years for me to work my way up the criminal hierarchy. I guess it's just all about knowing what you want to do with your life and going for it.

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