24
Day 3: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Ill Bill

Kiefer rushes back out into the monitoring area, where the screens are showing Red Herring leaning over the desk trying to get Spawn's attention as creepily as possible. "I need help…uh…finding a book." How long did you practice that line, Red? As per Kiefer's instructions in her earpiece, Spawn keeps her face turned away from Red Herring. Another librarian is dispatched to answer his "question," but Red Herring keeps directing his slimy gaze at the back of Spawn's head. Kiefer directs Spawn to get up and move away from him towards another set of bookcases. Red Herring watches her go, creepily. It's 7:58:00 as Spawn wanders deeply into the stacks and hides out in clear view of one of the security cameras. She's doing everything right. Have we slipped into a parallel universe?

And then -- oops -- the camera Spawn is standing under pans away from her. Good Lord, this elite counter-terrorism unit had over a half hour to set this up and they're making bonehead mistakes like this? There's low-level panic in the AV trailer as they try to figure out a way to get Spawn back on camera, but all they can do is wait for it to pan back on its own. Meanwhile, Spawn just sticks the books she's carrying on the nearest shelf. Hey, show Spawnders footage of that shit going on and she'll crack in thirty seconds. Spawn wanders around the corner and runs smack into a tall, student-looking guy who looks like Xander Harris with a Jew 'fro. He asks her to help him find "something on this aisle" and she goes along, but the next second he's got a gun to her head and is demanding, "Who has Jane Saunders?" Spawn plays dumb, and Jew 'Fro Xander Harris leads her away. I can't believe we had to wait almost nineteen hours for Spawn to get her ass kidnapped again. Poor Red Herring. Kiefer had Spawn's radar all keyed into some harmless, innocent, level-two sex offender.

In the AV trailer, low-level panic turns into full-on panic as the camera pans back to show Spawn missing. And she's not answering on the earpiece either. Kiefer flies out of the trailer and sprints across the campus into a shrinking split screen while Soul Patch sweats, Ill Bill frets, Saunders surfs the 'net, and Palmer Cabinets. JFXH hauls Spawn out of the library, and she disarms him. Holy crap! I thought this was 24 I was watching. She's got her own gun out now, and JFXH is struggling with her while Kiefer runs toward them, trying to get a clear shot. As JFXH and Spawn slap-fight, her gun goes off. Kiefer hollers Spawn's name. JFXH takes his sweet time hitting the ground. Kiefer orders Spawn to step back, and she gets the last line of the episode: "Saunders is going to know we have his daughter." Kiefer looks up at her like that's news. What is going on with her? It must be the brunette wig. It's 8:00:00.

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24

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