24
Day 3: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

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M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Ill Bill

7:41:03. The CTU helicopter carrying Kiefer and Spawn sets down behind what looks like a warehouse in Santa Barbara. Okay, I know helicopters are faster than cars, but if memory serves, L.A. to Santa Barbara is over an hour's drive up the 101. Yahoo! Maps confirms that it's 95.3 miles from city center to city center. So by my calculations, that helicopter had an average airspeed of 428 miles per hour. Okay. Moving on. The Bauers are greeted by Agent Rachel Forrester, who explains that they have a staging area set up near the library where Spawnders works. Everyone scrambles into a police van. Damn, they put this operation together fast.

Maybe they could give some tips to Special Agent Charlie Brown, who is conferring with his people out on the street and just now getting around to having them notify Ill Bill's neighbors that they should stay inside. Soul Patch calls to dispatch Charlie Brown to the urgent care center where Ill Bill fetched up. You know, maybe CTU could hire a few more people so they don't have the same six or eight suckers doing all the work all the time. As Charlie Brown climbs into his Ford Behemoth, he asks Soul Patch whether Spawn is "in play" yet. The answer's no, but I think they're just putting off the end of the scene so we can see Special Agent Charlie Brown reaching across his body to pull his car door closed with his good hand. He hits the road.

7:42:42. The Bauer motorcade is rolling through suburban Santa Barbara, if that phrase isn't too redundant. In the back of the van, Spawn is getting fitted for a long brunette wig. Meanwhile, Forrester briefs Kiefer on Spawnders's current situation. She's working behind the reference desk at the UC-Santa Barbara library, and Forrester's people are monitoring the place, having tapped into the library's surveillance cameras. There are ten or twenty people in there, and Kiefer says that one of them is working for Saunders. See, there he goes again. How does he know that? How does he know there aren't two, or eight, or none? In any case, Forrester figures that Saunders's guy is probably one of five people they've spotted. If it were up to me, I'd look for the one who seems least likely to live another twenty minutes, but I don't have government training. Kiefer asks to see Spawn's new look, and she turns to face him. BWAH! She looks like a character in the comic book version of a Russ Meyer film. Kiefer reminds her that she's not going to fool anyone close up, and she's going to need to keep her head down and stay at least ten feet behind the desk. Kiefer throws stress at Agent Hair and Makeup about the color of Spawn's wig. It's 7:43:37.

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