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Day 3: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Ill Bill

7:48:02. A V-I-R-U-S victim gets zipped into a body bag, the Brothers Palmer stare at the Cabinet, and Potato Face pouts with a phone wedged under her chin. She, Adam the Woman Hater, and Soul Patch are listening in to Special Agent Charlie Brown's conversation with Ill Bill. The latter man has been sealed into a room behind a glass door, along with everyone he came in contact with at the hospital. A hazmatician is in there too, doing hazmatician stuff. Special Agent Charlie Brown is talking to Ill Bill through the door, pumping him for info on everyone he's come near since he left home. Ill Bill doesn't quite seem to have it together. Perhaps he's hoping that the V-I-R-U-S will kill him slowly and painfully before his wife has a chance to. Special Agent Charlie Brown thumps the glass and snaps, "Think!"

University of California, Santa Barbara. Hey, if you want to see some thinking done, maybe you should go there. It's 7:49:05, and there's a trailer set up in the trees behind the massive university library. It's full of computers and flat screen monitors which are patched in to campus security, barely a half hour after this scheme was hatched. Shit, man, it took me two hours to hook up my DVD player. Kiefer watches on the monitors as Spawnders goes about her library business. She ventures out from behind the desk with an armload of magazines, and Agent Hair and Makeup runs into her and spills something on her pants. Agent Hair and Makeup pretends she didn't do it on purpose and books (geddit? In the library? Oh, never mind), while Spawnders heads to the bathroom to clean up. A balding guy in a red shirt, who has been lurking near a bookshelf, leans out conspicuously to watch her. Kiefer spots him and orders the surveillance crew to watch him closely.

Meanwhile, Spawnders goes into the bathroom to try to dry off her wet jeans, but there are no paper towels in the dispenser. Fortunately for Spawnders, a custodian was just about to replace them, and she hands Spawnders a stack. Unfortunately for Spawnders, the custodian is an undercover CTU agent who only wants to chloroform Spawnders into unconsciousness. Agent Hair and Makeup comes in to help, and in seconds Spawnders is insensible on the floor. Good thing a custodian just cleaned in he-- oh, wait. Never mind. Agent Custodian says, "Clear," and Spawn Xenas hilariously out of a bathroom stall.

In the AV trailer, Kiefer waits for Spawn to come back out of the bathroom. I don't know who decided that this would be more interesting for the viewing audience than watching Spawn change into Spawnders's clothes, but there you go. Finally Spawn comes out dressed as Spawnders, keeping her head turned away from the guy in the red shirt as she passes by him. He stares after her skeptically. Spawn goes behind the reference desk as though she belongs there, and sits down at Spawnders's computer. I don't know what's going on, but she's had, like, six opportunities to screw this up already, and yet she hasn't. Kiefer warns her through her earpiece about the guy in the red shirt. It's a nice shirt, but it's not really your primary red. It has a touch of maroon in it, or perhaps fuchsia. So technically, it's not exactly red-red…more of a herring-colored red. Oops, did I give something away? Red Herring, meanwhile, is making a show-stopping effort at being casual.

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