Day 3: 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B | Grade It Now!
Wanna Fanta?

Back in the Kiefer Kabin, Kiefer begs "Pedro," the guy who is guarding him, to let him tell Hartmano an important piece of information, but Pedro is not moved by the Sutherland Velvet. At least not yet. "I risked my life to get Felipe out of prison," says Kiefer. "You put him een preeson," retorts Pedro. Kiefer arranges his chains in a dazzling way, assumes his most alluring yet submissive pose, and begs Pedro to let him talk to Hartmano before he gets too drunk. "You know how he gets," whispers Kiefer. In that all men are just a few drinks away from a homosexual experience? Yeah, I knew that. Sorta. Pedro warns Kiefer that Hartmano once got so drunk he "threw" a guy off a plane. Pedro, are you sure that he "threw" the guy off the plane? Maybe your English isn't so good and you're thinking of another word that rhymes with "threw." Kiefer continues to beg. "I'm not talking to you," says Pedro, turning his back on him. "You're a dead man." Kiefer starts to fake a drug withdrawal attack. When Pedro comes over to examine him further, Kiefer knocks him down with his feet and wraps his legs around his neck, choking him. I'm still not making this up. Now that Pedro is either dead or unconscious, Kiefer takes his gun and the keys to his handcuffs and sets himself free. Meanwhile, back in the main cabin, we're are now seeing Hartmano's man-boob; Hartmano is dancing and making out with the Fanta girls, who have managed to partially disrobe him. Aw, isn't it cute how they just assume that Hartmano hasn't had any sex since he was arrested? Kiefer, now free, approaches the cabin door with his gun drawn. The time is 07:26:04 PM.

The time is 07:30:16 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer kocks his gun, Hartmano's henchmen watch Hartmano, and Crystal Gael's torture begins. Meanwhile, at District, Brother Palmer and Palmer meet with some quasi-Karl-Rove-type campaign strategist who is helping Palmer with damage control after he pulled out of the debate. Faux Rove maintains that they can spin the national security issue that pulled Palmer offstage, but his relationship with Dr. Anne will be harder to explain to the public. Yeah, right. Palmer argues that it shouldn't be difficult to prove that Dr. Anne's ex-husband was lying. "I know," says Faux Rove. "But this is dirty laundry and the public wants to hear it." Dirty laundry? Nineteen-year-old interns giving blow jobs to married presidents is "dirty laundry." Middle-aged physicians with vague associations to corporate scandals having heterosexual relations with a single president isn't dirty laundry. It's laundry that's been washed and dried but not folded properly. It's not even a dirty lint screen. Needless to say, Palmer rejects this advice. Also needless to say, Brother Palmer urges him to break up with Dr. Anne again. Rinse and repeat. But don't forget to add one of those Bounce softener sheets to the dryer or the whole country will be gossiping about it for years to come. Not. Meanwhile Dr. Anne's cell phone rings. It's Ted, her ex-husband, who is calling her from a room full of unpacked boxes. ["You might recognize The Former Mr. Dr. Anne as Colonel McNamara of the Initiative on Buffy. He also popped up recently as a corrupt fire chief on Joan of Arcadia." -- Sars] She's outraged that he's calling her, but he assures her that he only wants to make things right. "How can you possibly undo the damage you've done?" asks Dr. Anne. Ted promises Dr. Anne that he has documents that will prove her innocence and she can have them if he meets her alone in his office. God, I hope this is a ruse to get her alone, kill her, and then end this awful subplot.

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