Day 3: 8:00 PM – 9:00 PM

Episode Report Card
Gustave: B- | Grade It Now!
"It's the Great Mexican Ambush, Charlie Brown!"

The time is 8:16:43 P.M. In a guest bedroom, Kiefer lies on a bed and sweats. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that whole "heroin withdrawal" thing. Poor Man's Angelina Jolie enters with a tray. "I thought you might be hungry," she says for the benefit of the guard who is escorting her. Once the guard leaves, she slaps Kiefer across the face. "Look at you," she says. "You're pathetic." She then launches into a litany of misdeeds he's caused her. "You said you'd take me away from here. Do you remember?" "I meant everything I ever said to you," says Kiefer, now totally lucid and sweat-free. "You were doing a job," retorts Angelina. "You betrayed Hector and Ramon, you betrayed me and now you've betrayed your own people. You're a man without a soul." "Does Hector know about us," asks Kiefer. "I wouldn't be alive if he did," says Angelina. "You need a fix don't you? There's plenty here." Kiefer resists the heroin as steadfastly as he resists Angelina's sexual advances. Angelina goes on for several more minutes about how Kiefer used to be man who was true to himself before she thankfully leaves and cuts this scene short. Alone, Kiefer doubles over and resists the temptation of sweet Lady H.

Meanwhile, back at CTU, Soul Patch is sending Special Agent Charlie Brown's stats and photo to a contact in Mexico. This photo, by the way, is priceless. Special Agent Charlie Brown is dressed in a cowboy shirt and otherwise resembles Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. After getting off the phone with the agency, Soul Patch has a dizzy spell and falls down on the ground. After a few moments, he pulls himself back up. He looks around to make sure no one noticed. No one did. He walks downstairs to the floor and stops at Bitchelle's desk to tell her and Spawn that he's gotten in touch with Mexican intelligence, who say they can get a man to Las Nieves in twenty minutes to intercept Special Agent Charlie Brown. Mexican intelligence? Isn't that an oxymoron? Oh, I'm sorry. That was just a part of new weekly feature of my recaps entitled "Is My Mexican Ex-Boyfriend Really Reading My Recaps, Or Is He Just Pretending To?" Bitchelle uses some Whatever Technology to find the only landing strip in Las Nieves. "He won't use it," says Spawn. "A landing strip is too exposed. Especially if it's the only one." You're probably right, Spawn…but shut up. Soul Patch has them run a "topographical overlay" to find the most obvious landing area besides the landing strip.

Back at Division, Palmer is all, "Have you seen or heard from Dr. Anne?" Brother Palmer says he has not. "I'm pretty concerned about her," says Palmer. "She was pretty ripped up after the debate." Brother Palmer uses this opportunity to exaggerate the importance of Dr. Anne's ex-husband's allegations with regards to Palmer's campaign some more. He advises Palmer to be evasive with the press. Palmer asks Brother Palmer to find Dr. Anne. "Reporters are going to be chasing her and she's not used to this kind of scrutiny," says Palmer.

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