Day 4: 10:00 AM – 11:00 AM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
Held Up

10:26:32. Kiefer continues to not wear his mask while holding several people and a police officer hostage, DaD and DoDder are back in their cell and not even a little bit beaten up, and VVH chills in the cooler. At the TerrorHome, TerrorTeen and his idiot girlfriend Debbie sit in the living room and watch a news report about DaD's kidnapping. "You'll never guess where he is," TerrorTeen doesn't say to Debbie. TerrorMom arrives with iceless iced tea, nearly a half hour after starting to make it. Did she start with hot tea and then ice it? Pick the leaves herself? Brew it using only her mind? Whatever. TerrorMom tells Debbie she realizes that she and TerrorDad have been unfair: "We've treated you as badly as we have been treated ourselves by certain ignorant people." People who don't know anything about Muslims aside from the terrorists they see on TV, perhaps? TerrorMom gets up and shuts off the TV showing the face of the man currently in the clutches of her associates. She apologizes for their treatment of Debbie, and Debbie goes for "touched" but lands closer to "finally." Now TerrorMom gets down to business as Debbie takes a sip of tea: specifically, Debbie's following TerrorTeen to the TerrorDome. Debbie at least has the grace to look embarrassed when she confesses to being jealous and suspicious of TerrorTeen. But she doesn't have enough class to admit that what she did was borderline creepy. Have some more tea, Debbie. TerrorMom glosses over that, but explains that TerrorDad recently "moved his inventory" to the TerrorDome because he's been "robbed a few times" and wants to keep the location "secret." Debbie promises not to tell anyone where it is, and assures them both that she hasn't talked to anyone but TerrorTeen. Who, by the way, hasn't said more than three words since this conversation started. "Then that's settled," TerrorMom says happily. And as if TerrorMom hasn't embarrassed TerrorTeen enough by interrogating his girlfriend, she now has to pour salt in the wound by hauling out the baby pictures. She leaves them in the living room with the photo album, and picks up the kitchen phone at 10:28:53.

Apparently that "meeting" TerrorDad had was with a double half-caf latte at the coffee shop. He thanks his Middle Eastern waitress, who gestures at the TV screen showing DaD and asks TerrorDad if he's heard about it. "Yes. It's horrible," says TerrorDad. "It makes it so difficult for the rest of us when people from home do these unspeakable things," the waitress comments. I hope she's not the token "good Muslim" for the season, especially since TerrorDad's unemotional "I agree" only reinforces a possible, even if unintentional, message that all the millions of non-terrorist Muslims living in this country are just faking. Grrr. Anyway, TerrorMom calls to assure TerrorDad that their secret is safe. Or it will be once it's "taken care of," which TerrorMom says will be "soon." TerrorDad says, "Have TerrorTeen do it. He created this problem. He should be responsible for solving it himself." TerrorMom "agrees," and promises to "call" when it's "done." I understand why some in the Arab-American community are offended by this portrayal of Middle Easterners as terrorists. If I were Middle Eastern, I'd also be offended at they way they're portrayed as being so fucking oblique all the damn time.

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