24
Day 4: 12:00 AM – 1:00 AM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: D+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I Got the Digits

It's 12:23:52 as ImhoTerror ponders this latest development. His flunky asks him what he wants to do. "Control the situation," he mutters. It's a little odd to see this generally unflappable character use the same phrase as the panic-prone Veep. As ImhoTerror tells his flunky, he wants to prevent Prado from talking, but there's no way to get to him. What ImhoTerror does instead is make a call on his cell phone. He orders the person at the other end to get a hold of an attorney from "Amnesty Global" and say that "an innocent man is being held without charges and is about to be tortured at CTU Los Angeles." Now, see, this is where the satire starts, because the show is trying to get you to think that ImhoTerror is using our respect for human rights against us, even though he disregards those same rights as a matter of course. But if you think about it, all he's doing is playing on CTU's almost total lack of imagination when it comes to interrogating suspects. If CTU figures out a way around this minor obstacle, he's totally screwed. I'm sure they'll come up with something, aren't you?

The Veep is addressing the nation on TV, reporting that Keeler's alive, although 75 others on Air Force One aren't. He talks a little about feelings, saying he and his family are "shocked, saddened, and maybe a little afraid." Soul Patch, Bitchelle, and Buchanan are watching in the CTU conference room, looking none too impressed. DoDder comes in, just getting off her cell phone, to report that "There's a convoy missing." DoDder says it disappeared just inside the Iowa border. The convoy is completely incommunicado, and nothing is showing up on satellite. "What was on the trucks?" Buchanan asks. "A nuclear warhead," says. Way to bury the lead there. On TV, the Veep is saying, "Our faith and our resolve will prevail." Smooth move, Veep, saying "our faith will prevail" when the other side thinks it's fighting a holy war. I know you don't mean "our Faith will prevail," but still. If you could drop the word "crusade" in there, that would be even better. It's 12:25:33.

12:29:58. The Veep waits for some faith and resolve so he can prevail already, ImhoTerror is still on the road, Lispy Skip is on the phone, and Bitchelle is standing over him. One he's done, Bitchelle tells Skip to have holding prepped so Curtis can start the interrogation immediately on arrival. "I want him broken in minutes, not hours," she says. Then she addresses the floor at large, telling everyone to put all their resources into finding the warhead. Meanwhile, Buchanan is walking across the phone on the floor, getting his ear chewed off by PHMC. Who's "not pointing fingers" (even though, in my opinion, it's long past time someone did), but the Veep isn't going to be happy about this new development.

Meanwhile, a bunch of terrorists are loading what looks like a very large coffin with a "U.S. Army" stamp into the back of a pickup truck. Another truck, this one overturned, burns in the background. The driver of the pickup calls ImhoTerror on his cell phone to say, "We have it. We're heading out now." And the six terrorists it took to wipe out an entire Army convoy take off in their pickup at 12:31:06. This, then, is the cost of rampant arms proliferation: too many nuclear weapons for us to reliably keep our hands on. An entire platoon should have been protecting that warhead on a day like today, but the ridiculous size of our arsenal has the largest army in the world spread too thin. What does 24 want? Arms reduction! When does it want it? Now!

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24

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