Shouldn't somebody be dealing with the five nuclear plants that are still about to melt down? No! No time! Too busy with other stuff! TerrorTeen kills TerrorDad after Kiefer arrests him, so there goes Kiefer's best lead. Again. TerrorMom can only direct him to the abandoned hideout that the terrorists were using to plan the whole operation. Which is apparently owned by Grayadder. Kiefer puts DoDder to work in her comfort zone, i.e. screwing with guys' feelings. But she even biffs that by walking into Grayadder's lair alone and making everyone very, very nervous about her safety. Except the viewers. Kiefer arrives just in time to preventâ¦well, we don't know what, but Kiefer's pretty pissed about it anyway. Meanwhile, Soul Patch and Special Agent Breck are both back at work at CTU, but only the latter fully understands Driscoll's motives. Curtis very reluctantly takes AIIIEEEE!sha on a field trip to retrieve some computer files, knowing full well what happens to Handsome Black Agents who leave the house. But when the armed white guys in suits show up, it's AIIIEEEE!sha who dies, and Curtis is merely knocked unconscious and taken prisoner. Which causes several Vegas casinos to go bust.
Previously on 24: Well, actually, if you watched that promo during the last break of tonight's American Idol, which Fox clearly put together for the benefit of all the new viewers that this show was likely to get with its new lead-in, you're probably more up to speed with what's going on than you would be from anything I could tell you. Thanks, Fox, for rendering me totally superfluous. Except I will mention that AIIIEEEE!sha gets her own freeze frame with her name in the previouslies, so we know she's fucked this hour. The following takes place between 4:00 PM and 5:00 PM.
Kiefer's dashing around the hospital parking garage on his cell phone, voting for Constantine as many times as he can. No, he's actually talking to Driscoll, who's got him on speakerphone in a meeting with Team DoD. Kiefer explains that TerrorDad is keeping TerrorTeen hostage because he thinks that TerrorMom will spill everything if he kills their son. But the truth is that TerrorMom's cooperation will dry up if TerrorTeen dies, so Kiefer's got to rescue him. See? With all that exposition frontloaded at the start of the episode, you didn't need my update anyway. It's worth mentioning that they've got TerrorDad's driver's license projected on the screen at CTU, and the sickly grin he's wearing in his photo cracks me up. That must be one of his less impressive "I wasn't just lurking behind the door" smiles. DaD says Kiefer's got whatever he needs -- "Just get that kid." Before hanging up. Kiefer asks Driscoll to have someone do a thermal satellite scan of the hospital's basement. Like they have all day. "You're running out of time. Save my son," TerrorMom reminds him. Yeah, Kiefer -- how do you like it? "Bring her with us," he says. "We're going to need her." Agent Castle grabs her by her good arm and drags her backwards until he impales the back of her head on the camera lens. Ow.
TerrorDad has found his way to a laundry room, where he's busy giving his son a bitch-slapping. "You're not my son," he spits. Oh, way to confuse all those new viewers. They yell at each other. It's all very fraught. "Now I don't even recognize you," TerrorDad says. Dude, you didn't beat him that bloody. Keep at it. "Will that make it easier for you to kill me?" TerrorTeen says, as if that's a really good burn. TerrorDad, instead of chirping, "Yep!" pulls out his cell phone and its signal-scrambling restraining bolt. TerrorDad gets through to ImhoTerror pretty quickly. He has to explain his current situation, which he seems pretty embarrassed about. Luckily for him, ImhoTerror doesn't seem to feel like yelling at him too much when he realizes that TerrorDad is fucked anyway. Shaky-voiced, TerrorDad asks how much longer it'll be before the other reactors melt down, and ImhoTerror explains that since American programmers are working to counter the MacGuffin, it's taking a while. One to two hours, depending on what else the writers have going on next week. TerrorDad promises to hold off the fuzz as long as he can. "I know you will," says ImhoTerror, and hangs up. So ImhoTerror's not sending in the cavalry, I take it.
While Kiefer, Soul Patch, and a small army of heavily armed government agents stroll through the hospital hallways and cause any number of codes, Driscoll calls Kiefer with the news that they've located two warm bodies in the basement laundry room. Hey, remember about five hours ago when Lispy Skip said that a thermal scan for the TerrorDome wouldn't work because of all the heat interference from the nearby power switching stations? Kiefer must have turned off every non-human heat source in the hospital for this scan to have worked so well. I just hope he remembers to turn them all back on. As for TerrorDad's hiding place, there's only one way in, except for a laundry chute running from the third floor that Driscoll figures is just about Kiefer-sized. Kiefer jumps on his walkie-talkie to tell some guys to meet him on the third floor with "a fast line and a rappelling harness." I understand that CTU field teams have to carry with them anything they might need, but sometimes I feel kind of bad for the guy who has to drive the semi. Kiefer also tells Castle to "put her into play," where "her" = TerrorMom. I don't know what "into play" means yet.