24
Day 4: 8:00 AM – 9:00 AM

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M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Suddenly, Napster Doesn't Seem So Bad

At 8:05:42, Driscoll takes the call from POTUS, who's still at cruising altitude. Keeler wants to know what Driscoll knows about the abduction, which isn't a lot yet. There's been no contact from the kidnappers. Is that really such a bad sign after, like, six minutes? Keeler also wants to know why the Secret Service wasn't able to protect DaD. Driscoll tells him that somehow the kidnappers had access to the information that the Secretary changed his schedule to visit DiCK, and they're looking into that now. She doesn't mention that the Secret Service was seriously outmanned and outgunned. Or, for that matter, that maybe Keeler should take his question up with the Treasury Department rather than quizzing whatever random middle-ranking government official he gets on the blower. "Get him back, Erin," Keeler orders.

Elsewhere, a middle-aged woman in a nice suburban house stops folding laundry long enough to answer her cell phone. It's Witless on the other end of the line, still riding his bike but now using his hands-free phone to warn his mom to get out of the house. MamaWitless, who looks nothing like Kelly McGillis and almost certainly never did, is at first irritated, then dismissive, and finally scared as Witless tells him that people who killed everyone in his office are now after him. MamaWitless says she's going to call the police, but Witless tells her to leave the house first, and then hangs up. MamaWitless scoops up her laundry and leaves the room, just in time to for us see a dark but clean-cut figure lurking just outside her French doors.

Kiefer stews in his office/holding cell. At 8:07:28, Potato Face shows up outside the door, briefly talks with Kiefer's guard, and gains admittance. She tells Kiefer she'll probably get in trouble for coming to him. Kiefer wants to know why she's bothering, since he's being detained and all. "Because I don't think Driscoll's handling this the right way," Potato Face says. "And I don't trust her. I trust you." Kiefer looks at her for a second. Sometimes the power of the Velvet surprises even he who wields it. He invites her to sit down. Potato Face tells Kiefer all about Witless, and why she thinks the internet threat Witless spotted is connected to everything else. Kiefer thinks she's on to something. "Where's your friend now?" Kiefer asks.

He's at Los Angeles Union Station, as it happens, wandering nervously and joining a small group of people gathered around a video monitor. The cable news network that shares a name with the one that carries this show already has a reporter at the scene of DaD and DoDder's kidnapping. Apparently that channel is a legitimate news source in the 24-verse. Good to know. Witless's cell phone rings; it's Potato Face, on speakerphone. "What did you do?" Witless demands of her. "Who did you tell?" Potato Face asks him what he means, and he tearfully explains all about all the killing and stuff. Kiefer steps into the call, identifying himself and bringing some of that Velvet to bear on the freaked-out but potentially important person in his case, the way he does. Unfortunately for both of them, we now see that their call is being listened in on by Clean-Cut Minion, the one from Witless's office massacree, who's using a complicated device involving a cell phone and a briefcase computer of some sort that's telling him "CELLULAR NODE CLONED." Kiefer tells Witless not to leave town, but to sit tight and let Kiefer come and pick him up. Witless earns his nickname yet again by asking Potato Face for her advice. "You can trust Kiefer," Potato Face says. Until Kiefer decides to sacrifice you for the greater good, that is. He has a tendency to do that sometimes. Witless tells her, Kiefer, and the eavesdropping Clean-Cut Minion exactly where in the train station he'll be and what he's wearing. D'oh! Kiefer promises to be there in thirty minutes. I guess he's decided that he's done being detained. After the call ends, Potato Face beats herself up. Hey, that's my job! She regrets letting Driscoll talk her into handing the internet lead over to the FBI. "She did what?" Kiefer demands.

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24

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