Day 4: 8:00 PM – 9:00 PM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
In-fil-tra-tion. Ready? Begin!

TerrorProf is of course watching Fox News, the news network of choice for terrorists everywhere. Just so we're clear: Fox News viewer = terrorist. At the knock on the door, he mutes the TV and pulls a tiny little gun out of a junk drawer. Real threatening. Between the dinky weapon, his roly-poly figure, and the plaid Cosby sweater, he looks ripe for an ass-kicking from a Montessori teacher. TerrorMom and TerrorProf have a tensely whispered conversation through the door, where he's reluctant to let her in and she drops ImhoTerror's name and says she has a hostage to offer. "Now let me in before someone sees me," she hisses. TerrorProf opens the door and yanks Kiefer inside, telling TerrorMom to put down the gun she's holding. TerrorProf has Kiefer up against the wall. He searches him, finding nothing but the bloody wound, then pistol-whips him into (faked?) unconsciousness. Whatever. That gun's smaller than my stapler. He demands to know how TerrorMom found him. She says he heard of him through her husband. "I don't know your husband," he snaps. "He knew you," she insists. And randomly gave her TerrorProf's address, she expects him to believe. Rather than pursuing it, he says, "Tell me what happened." TerrorMom recites the cover story as the agents in the truck and everyone on the floor at CTU listens in. She tells him it was at the intersection of National and Sepulveda, "half a mile from here." An hour and a half ago. The cover story versions of Kiefer and TerrorMom don't move real fast, do they? TerrorProf picks up his phone and calls ImhoTerror, who's riding along in some shotgun seat somewhere. Once ImhoTerror hears what's up, he also wants to know how TerrorMom found TerrorProf. "She claims her husband told her," TerrorProf says. He tells ImhoTerror that TerrorMom wants to bring him a hostage, and gives Kiefer's name. ImhoTerror repeats it, intrigued. He knows Kiefer's name? I didn't think they'd been properly introduced. Cut to CTU, where Bitchelle is asking if it's possible to break into ImhoTerror's side of the conversation. Which it's not, even by Potato Face. TerrorProf relays the cover story to ImhoTerror while Kiefer lies on the floor with his eyes open so we know he's listening. "What do you want me to do?" TerrorProf asks. Briefest possible moment of suspense while CTU can't hear ImhoTerror's response, but it doesn't last long. "Bring him to me," we hear ImhoTerror say. "I'll call you back in five minutes with the details. Be ready. Do you understand?" TerrorProf understands. Understands what? That seemed pretty straightforward. But of course I don't speak terrorist. TerrorProf gets off the phone and tells TerrorMom, "ImhoTerror wants to see him." Everyone at CTU looks at each other nervously.

8:37:22. Poor Man's Poor Man's Eric Stoltz drives his car up to the gates of an Air Force base. I'm assuming this is the Los Angeles Air Force Base in El Segundo. Not that I knew that any such place existed before I looked it up, but it appears to be the only one within quick driving distance of wherever Poor Man's Eric Stoltz met up with ImhoTerror, which has to be somewhere in L.A. I think Vandenburg and Edwards are probably too far away, even for this show. On the other hand, I'm not sure that Los Angeles AFB has actual airplanes, either, but everything's a tradeoff. The sergeant at the gate salutes PMPMES, then carefully examines his ID card while other guards look under the car with a mirror and flashlight. The sergeant asks PMPMES to pop the trunk. PMPMES wants to know when they started inspecting officers' cars, and the sergeant explains that there's an elevated threat level. They look in the trunk, which is empty. So is the back seat. He's waved through. Huh. I was sure he was smuggling Poor Man's Eric Stoltz in somehow. Duct-taped to the ceiling, maybe? Inside the base, PMPMES pulls over and somehow produces Poor Man's Eric Stoltz from under the back seat. Ah, must be a trick car with a hollow seat or something, provided by the terrorists for this very purpose. Not that that's explained very well. Poor Man's Eric Stoltz tells a walkie-talkie that he's on base, and ImhoTerror's voice responds, "Proceed as planned." PMPMES wants to talk to his family now. Poor Man's Eric Stoltz just orders him, at gunpoint, to go around behind the car and open the trunk. PMPMES does so, and again demands to talk to his family. Poor Man's Eric Stoltz has bad news: "Your family's dead. And so are you." With that, he puts a silenced bullet into PMPMES's gut and lets his limp body drop into the trunk. Wow, harsh. He removes PMPMES's dog tags and sticks them in his own pocket. And then he takes out a pair of clippers that he lets the camera get a nice long look at before reaching into the trunk with them. Too bad for AIIIEEEE!sha that she didn't think of that a few hours ago, huh? The clock comes up at 8:39:48 before the actual snipping takes place, but I swear you can hear it under the beep-boom anyway.

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