24
Day 5: 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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I Got Your Gas Right Here

But it's all for naught, because the penthouse guys are clearly not buying. One of them picks up a phone and dials Rossler's apartment to warn him to stay inside for now: "We have a situation." Chloe and Spencer, who are still hacked live into the building's cameras, warn Kiefer not only that the guards are clued in, but that one of them has an automatic weapon. Too bad for them they don't have the ability to stop the elevator between floors and trap the invaders like rats in a cage. Instead, said cage reaches the top floor with a pleasant ding. The doors open and Kiefer jumps out, yelling, "Federal agent!" He's greeted by a completely inaccurate burst of machine gun fire, which he terminates by killing the offending guard. What part of "federal agent" do these guys not understand? Do they work for an evil security firm or something? Kiefer also gets the other guard, but not before Curtis takes a bullet in the chest and goes down. Don't worry; it went off his bulletproof vest. Thanks, CTU, for finally instituting a color-blind policy for body armor issuance. And at this point it looks like Kiefer might have done the other guard a favor by making sure he stayed out of play. You can't be too careful where Handsome Black Security Guards are concerned.

Inside the Cradle of Love penthouse, Rossler grabs a gun out of a drawer. Spencer can tell the target is moving from his readings off the building's motion sensors (like, wow, I really can't think who would want that much security), and gives Kiefer Rossler's exact location so that Kiefer can kick the door open and start right into shooting. Which he does. Rossler's hit but not dead, flat on the ground, and he throws away his gun when Kiefer tells him to. Kiefer handcuffs the guy as he announces to his comm unit, "Rossler's in custody." He orders the backup teams to move in and calls for a medic. You know, to fix the guy he just shot up. I hope Curtis remembered to bring a small medic. Chloe then informs Kiefer that there's someone else in the apartment -- specifically, the bedroom. Kiefer kicks open the bedroom door and roars at the figure crouched behind the bed, "Let me see your hands!" And last week's preview implied that this moment would be some kind of dramatic reveal, like it would be Naked Mandy or David Palmer or Aaron or somebody, but we've never seen the skinny, frightened girl who slowly rises to her feet with her hands in the air. She introduces herself as Inessa, and Kiefer asks, "Who did that to you?" He's referring, it seems, to a collection of visible bruises. There may be more that are not visible, but given the size of the dress she's wearing, probably not many more. "He is holding me here," Inessa tells Kiefer in a thick Russian accent. Ah, so the rebel took a little child bride. "I want to go home," she Natashas. Kiefer's face is flooded with compassion, which would be a lot more convincing if he would quit pointing his gun at her. It's 1:27:54.

It's 1:32:22, and in the act-in splitscreen, absolutely nothing of interest happens. I mean, seriously, the most exciting thing going on is in the upper left-hand corner, where some gray-haired dude is delivering a folder to Audrey in the Situation Room. And then we follow him walking away, and holy crap, it's Senator John McCain. Stupid splitscreens.

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