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Day 5: 6:00 PM – 7:00 PM

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | Grade It Now!
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Edgar, Dead! Grr.

Spawn: I wonder what they want to tell me about my dad.
Enter Kiefer.
Kiefer: Hello, Kim.
Spawn: Hi, Dad.
Kiefer: Sweetheart, there's something I need to tell you.
Spawn: What is it?
Kiefer: I'm not really dead.
Spawn: Oh, my God! Are you sure?

So thanks a lump, Audrey, for cheating me out of that moment. Kiefer makes sure that Audrey knows to tell her that he kept Spawn in the dark for her own protection, because it's never too late to cover your own ass. Audrey agrees and hangs up.

Of course Henderson, in the backseat of the CTUmobile, heard Kiefer's entire side of his incredibly emotional and vulnerable conversation, and sees an opening. "After you died," he says, "Chase [formerly known in this space as Special Agent Charlie Brown] left her and she hit bottom. Did you know that?" Hell, I recapped it. Kiefer tries to shut Henderson out, but Henderson says, "Miriam and I were there for Kim when you weren't. Whatever you may think of me, Miriam and I love that girl." And now Kiefer has a whole raft of new things to think about Henderson. Amazingly enough, he doesn't change his mind and decide to drive Henderson home.

Spawn is currently hanging out in an upper office at CTU, staring out over the floor. Her hair is really long now. It's pretty, but it's too long for her short face and therefore kind of makes her look like a Muppet. "Both my parents died here," she says. "I swore I'd never come back to this place." False premise, false conclusion. That's our Spawn. The guy with her -- who turns out to be C. Thomas Howell, whose casting is yet another step along this show's rapid transformation into VH1's I Love the '80s -- offers to leave with her right then, but just then Audrey arrives. She and Spawn obviously know each other, even though Audrey, as you recall, kept her relationship with Kiefer hidden from her own family until the day before the poor bastard "died." In case you forgot why Audrey started bugging me in the first place. Spawn introduces Ponyboy as "Barry Landes." Spawn asks what's up, and with a pointed glance at Barry, Audrey suggests they talk in private. There's the little song and dance where Spawn says she wants Barry to stay, and there's some mild sparring over it until Barry says, "It's okay," like he's going to leave to defuse the disagreement. And then he stays put, which is kind of hilariously rude. Anyway, Audrey doesn't waste a lot of time getting to the point about Kiefer: "He's alive." That's clearly all Spawn hears, even as Audrey goes on to explain the reasons for Kiefer faking his own death and not telling his daughter in order to protect her. "I didn't know either until this morning," Audrey concludes lamely. Spawn's just standing there with her mouth open, but it clamps shut when Audrey tells her that Kiefer's on his way to CTU right now. Better hope he doesn't get killed in a car accident en route.

It's 6:08:22, and, believe it or not, there's a new face at Not Camp David. Well, new to this show, anyway. It's Ray Wise, the erstwhile Leland Palmer from Twin Peaks, and he's still wearing his fifties hairdo from Good Night and Good Luck. He waits with a staffer in the Situation Room until Logan arrives with Novick in tow. Novick is clearly surprised to see this gentleman, whom he addresses as "Mr. Vice President." I hope nobody will be too confused if I refer to him by Logan's old nickname of Veep. Apparently the new Veep canceled his big day in Salt Lake City to help out. In the city where terrorists are running around with eighteen canisters of nerve gas. Was this the Speaker of the House's idea? "I think you'll agree we need all hands on deck to deal with this Sentox situation," Logan tells Novick. Okay, I've been saying that all along, but for God's sake, Logan is the President of the United States. Since when does "all hands" constitute "you and me and the Vice President"? I give up. The Veep takes over the little meeting, saying that the plan they have in place isn't going to cut it. He's done his own casualty estimates, and he predicts 400,000 deaths. Logan is horror-struck, but Novick is more skeptical. "That's a considerable upward estimate," he errs. He wants to know how the Veep arrived at it. Instead of explaining, the Veep gets all shirty and defensive.

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