Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Nuclear Winner

Kiefer's still riding beneath Fayed's stolen garbage truck. He appears to be turning his head back and forth quite rapidly, but that's only because the film is sped up to make the driveshaft in his face look like it's spinning faster than it is. At 10:54:02, Fayed pulls up to a loading dock where his men are waiting. Still bloody and weak, he limps out of the truck and up to his men, explaining that Gredenko betrayed them and led CTU right to him. Speaking of which, Kiefer is quietly (and ironically) letting himself drop to the pavement under the truck. Fayed announces that they're getting the nukes and leaving. "We're going to take out Downtown Los Angeles," he boasts. Which, at 11:00 PM, may kill as many as ten people, counting his own. Fayed leaves one man behind to guard the dock entrance and tells the rest of "you guys" to follow him into the warehouse. And you already know what happens to the guy left behind; you just don't know how. So I'm going to tell you. As he walks along the edge of the dock, Kiefer pops up, brings him down with a karate chop to the ankles, snaps his neck, and rolls him out of sight. Dude, Fayed is so screwed.

Staying out of sight with his single handgun leveled, Kiefer follows Fayed's men deeper into the warehouse. In addition to Fayed, there are, like, five other guys with machine guns, which is really not good odds for them. They go through a chain-link gate into the area where the two remaining nukes are waiting on a table. Kiefer spots them at 10:55:44. Fayed opens a case, looks inside to make sure that the nuke hasn't been replaced with somebody's lunch or something, and closes it, satisfied.

And that's when Kiefer takes his first shot, taking down the first guard. And so begins the second firefight of the hour, but nobody's shooting blanks this time. Least of all Kiefer, who's able to stay behind cover beneath withering machine-gun fire, only occasionally popping out to squeeze off single shots that take Fayed's men down one at a time. Fayed opens one of the nukes to detonate it while Kiefer's still dealing with the last guard, and it looks like Kiefer might have screwed up for the last time. But it's Fayed who screws up, as he turns away from the bomb to start shooting at Kiefer. Kiefer shoots back until he's empty, then discards his weapon and keeps charging Fayed until Fayed's out of ammo as well. And then they engage hand-to-hand, Matrix-style, only without all the fancy choreography and wire-fu. These are two desperate men trying to kill each other with their bare hands. And feet. And knees. They grapple savagely as the soundtrack gets more and more operatic. Kiefer has the upper hand, and then Fayed does, and then while Kiefer's on the floor, he manages to lay his hands on a pipe wrench the size of his leg and swing it at Fayed. He only connects with Fayed's arm, though, and as he gets to his feet for a killing blow to Fayed's head, Fayed ducks underneath it, tackles Kiefer, and decks him. Fayed's barely on his feet himself, but he's doing better than Kiefer, who is now just trying to crawl across the floor to reach a fresh weapon. Fayed rouses himself to go over and deliver a few kicks to Kiefer's prone body as he stands astride him. Suddenly Kiefer finds the strength to roll over, bringing down Fayed in a tangle of legs. And now, somehow Kiefer can stand again. He grabs a length of chain suspended from the ceiling, and is actually able to use it as a shield when Fayed comes up swinging a pipe at him. Finally, he forces Fayed to drop the pipe by wrapping the chain around Fayed's wrist. There's some grabbing and some screaming and some biting and some ow-ow-ow, and then Kiefer head-butts Fayed. Now Kiefer is able to wrap the chain around the neck of his dazed opponent, kick his knees out from under him from behind, and whisper into his ear, "Say hello to your brother." Then he goes over to the lift controller hanging from the ceiling, hits the button, and sinks in exhaustion to the floor as he watches Fayed being lifted off his feet and strangled to death. Dude, that's hardcore.

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