Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | 1 USERS: B-

At 5:20:47, the CTU helicopter is getting close to the platform. Kiefer slides open his door and hollers, "Once we hit the deck, we're going to have to move hard!" Okay, I'm normally not attuned to the non-sexy sexy dialogue on this show, but even I can't miss that one. As Buchanan draws level with the rig and hovers right next to the superstructure, Kiefer tells Buchanan, "Take it up!" The chopper swoops up above the platform's roof, where Cheng's men are waiting on the rooftop helipad to get machine-gunned by Kiefer. Even with them shooting at the chopper, he is only too happy to oblige. He's shot the helipad clear in a matter of seconds, and he hollers at Buchanan to set them down. Buchanan does. Kiefer hops out and runs to the edge of the helipad, just in time to see a bunch of guys approaching from the level below. Kiefer drops into a crouch and starts shooting, hitting some handy explosives that roast most of Cheng's men alive. Someone sure did a shitty job of decommissioning this place if there are that many barrels of boom-juice just sitting around. But then, as we learned after Valencia, decommissioning things isn't exactly Dad's company's strong suit. Despite being powerful enough to kill all of the henchmen, the explosion merely flattens Cheng himself, conveniently enough. Buchanan comes around the front of the still-idling helicopter with a handgun. Looks like he put his bulletproof vest on under his jacket. Did he do that while flying, or when he was supposed to be "moving hard?" Kiefer runs up to Cheng's prone body and, pointing his gun at his enemy's head, demands to know where Josh is. "You're too late!" Cheng groans through a half-charred face. Kiefer leaves Cheng and his machine gun with Buchanan, telling him to get both to the chopper while Kiefer makes sure that Josh isn't on the platform. As Buchanan drags Cheng to his feet and hauls him back toward the helipad, he hollers at Kiefer's retreating back, "We only have ten minutes!" And four and a half of them are going to be burned off during the commercials. It's 5:22:06.

5:26:33. Dad is leading Josh through the bowels of the platform towards the boat jetty, when Josh jerks himself free and says he can't go. Dad lectures him about self-control and tells him he's acting like a child. Josh tries to take a swing at him, but Dad easily blocks it and pins Josh up against a pipe, telling him to control his emotions. Okay, being taken from your home and family by force and getting dragged to China by a known killer is one thing, but having to put up with all the cheap Jedi Master crap on the long submarine ride to China would be enough to make me want to drown myself in an airlock the first chance I got.

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