24
Day 6: 7:00 AM – 8:00 AM

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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The Odd Couple

At 7:53:55, Fayed gets a call from the Handler, who alerts him that the bomber is on the train: "He will reach Union Station in five minutes. The moment it pulls in, he will martyr himself." I think Fayed knows the plan, dude. But Fayed just tells the Handler to take a car that was left nearby for him, and drive to Union Station to confirm. Because Fayed doesn't have a TV or something. As promised, the Handler finds a car parked in an alley. He takes the keys from where they've been hidden on top of the left front tire and gets in. When he drives off, Assad's wee little Echo is right behind him. I think. That might actually be a runaway Jiffy-Pop, now that I look at it more closely.

Down on the moving train, the conductor or whatever is working his way through the passengers, scanning tickets. He gets to Kiefer, who of course doesn't have a cent on him, let alone a ticket or any ID. But he identifies himself as Jack Bauer, Federal Agent, and Velvets, "You have a terrorist on this train with a bomb. I need you to walk away." The conductor stares blankly, skepticism and fear doing battle on...well, not on his face, because this is some schmo with three lines, but somewhere, I'm sure. Kiefer says that the bomber will blow the train right away if he notices anything wrong, and again tells the conductor to keep moving. Finally, the conductor complies, but he continues stealing glances behind him as he goes. And by "glances," I mean "long, suspicious stares." Kiefer makes his way to the back of the train, where the bomber's sitting alone and stands with his back to Kiefer, waiting to make his move, even though he has no idea how much time he has. It turns out that he doesn't have to wait long, because the bomber soon notices that the conductor keeps looking back at him. Realizing that the jig is up, he flips the cap on his cylindrical detonator and makes to press the button. Now would be a good time to make that move, methinks. Kiefer grabs the bomber's hands before the bomb can go off, and somehow this altercation in the back of the train is enough to send everyone else in the car into a screaming panic, like they've never seen a brawl before. Kiefer has the element of surprise, but loses the advantage when the bomber grabs him by his wounded shoulders. They struggle some more, and Kiefer rips open the bomber's shirt, revealing the explosives underneath. "It's a bomb!" a passenger narrates helpfully, and then they make with the fighting again. Kiefer's down, and the bomber stands and hollers, "Allahu Akbar!, pressing the detonator button. In the extremely generous three seconds or so of lag time before the actual explosion, Kiefer grabs the overhead bar and delivers a swinging kick that sends the bomber flying through the back door of the train to explode above the track. The shock wave sends Kiefer flying backwards up the aisle all Meredith Grey to land on his ass, but nobody on the train is hurt. The fireball disappears behind a curve in the tunnel. Kind of a lame bomb. Also, wouldn't the bomber have positioned himself in the front or the middle of the train in order to maximize the damage? Whatever, he's good and dead now. In the confusion of the still-moving train car, Kiefer hits the emergency brake and hops out the back door. No need to thank him, folks.

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