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The Sentinel

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Not-So-Secret Service

But by the time the Blond Gunman from the mall lets himself into a ratty apartment somewhere, the TV is reporting that the OTUSes are safe. Whew, I was worried. His compatriots are watching the report on TV. One of them, a nerd with glasses, a goatee, and an AustralEnglish accent, unhappily remarks, "Our friend was insufficiently motivated." Okay, you know he's evil. Nobody talks like that except evil people.

Pete gets home after dark and sets all his stuff on the counter as he turns on the news his own self. He pulls up his shirt a bit, revealing what looks like some kind of padding. Which would explain why he looks so stocky in this movie, which of course has nothing to do with the fact that he's nine million years old.

Meanwhile, TerrorNerd is on his phone, giving somebody what-for about the President not being on the helicopter. "We're going to meet, and we're going to discuss this," he bitches. At the other end of the line, the hand holding a cell phone looks worried. Yes, all we can see is a hand. I should have known that the Secret Service mole was Agent Thing.

Back at Pete's house, there's a knock on the door. Pete checks the peephole, and opens the door to show us that Kiefer and Jill are waiting on the other side, along with the Handsome Black Agent and another guy. "You're being investigated for treason," Kiefer announces, handing Pete a search warrant. Looks like they're coming in.

A bit later, Pete asks why he's still on duty if he's under suspicion. Kiefer says, "The Director didn't want to arrest one of the guys responsible for saving Reagan's life without a little more evidence. How long you been working for the Barranquilla cartel?" Pete's thrown by this, so Kiefer quickly produces Goatee Guy from earlier. Kiefer introduces Goatee Guy as an FBI agent, and asks what Pete was doing at the coffee shop. Pete sticks to his story that he was having a cup of coffee. Kiefer says it was four hours' worth of coffee, that Agent Tom said he called Pete four times, and that Pete never called back and almost missed the flight to Camp David. Pete says the flight was moved up two hours, and that it was too noisy for him to hear his cell phone in the shop. He testily asks why this is such a big deal. Goatee Guy speaks up and says that the coffee shop is a dead drop for the Barranquilla Cartel. Oops. Pete looks shocked as Kiefer moves in, saying that Pete walked into a stakeout. Kiefer growls, "Now, I want to know your go-to guy at the Barranquilla cartel, and I want to know how you were going to help them kill the President." Pete, getting pissed, asks why he would want to do that. Because...you're...fucking his wife? Kiefer says he doesn't know or care; he just sees what the evidence is telling him. Pete lectures, "I have given my entire life to the Secret Service. I've gotten up at four o'clock every goddamn morning --" Kiefer sees an opening to a confession, and asks if Pete's pissed at not being made Director after all his years of dedication. Pete tells Kiefer not to project his own ambition on Pete, but Kiefer's on a roll: "You took a bullet for the President of the United States. And in the twenty-five years since, you haven't even made shift supervisor on a presidential detail, and that I know you wanted." Then they start yelling at each other, and Pete denies having an affair with Kiefer's wife, which Kiefer denies has anything to do with this. Kiefer tells Pete to "get a grip," and says the evidence is overwhelming, between failing the polygraph test, hanging out at a coffee shop for drug dealers, and Pete's access to Marine One. Pete reminds Kiefer that it was hit by a missile, and Kiefer answers that that was because the helicopter's countermeasures were deactivated. Pete yells that a hundred other people had access to the helicopter, so Kiefer whips out some bank account papers with Pete's signature on them. Which Pete doesn't appear to recognize. "I'm being framed," he says, looking at the papers. He asks why he would have initiated the investigation if he's the guilty party, and Kiefer says that he did it to divert suspicion. There's more cross-yelling, with the two men right in each other's faces, until the Handsome Black Agent sticks his head in to announce that the Director has arrived. "You better start thinking about cooperating," Kiefer warns -- yet another line he can say in his sleep by now -- and heads out to meet his boss.

Pete heads into the kitchen to get a glass of water, yammering faux-innocently about the Director coming to see him. He gets a glass out of the cupboard, and when the other agent gets close enough, he makes his move. Which is to say, he assaults him with the freezer door. I'm not making that up. He also manages to flatten the Handsome Black Agent who's half his age and twice his size, taking the poor guy's gun. On his way out, he also yoinks the other agent's radio. Interesting way to prove one's innocence. "Garrison, back door," the Handsome Black Agent gasps into his shirt cuff.

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