30 Rock. Lemon encounters Pete, whose daughter is selling Valentine's cookies. Lemon launches into a tirade about the commercialization of Valentine's Day, yadda yadda yadda, and ends with an entirely inappropriate-for-a-child recap of all her recent Valentine's Day misadventures. No matter, she buys the cookie anyway in honor of the birthday of Anna Howard Shaw, famed American suffragette. Little Evelyn Hornberger is not impressed as Pete drags her away from the crazy lady he told her about. The very same crazy lady who is screaming to anyone who will listen (which would be pretty much nobody), "A happy Anna Howard Shaw Day to all!" Credits.

Upstairs, Lemon helps Jack pick a tie for a CNBC interview that night. She wonders why he's not spending his Valentine's Day with Nancy, but Jack says his romance with her has been too much of a roller coaster. Right now he just wants a fling. As such he has three dates set up around town. At an agreed-upon time, Jonathan will call to interrupt his date. If he's bored, he's got an out. If he's intrigued, he'll loudly announce that he's got important plans and can't be bothered, which will impress the woman enough for her to expose her front-clasp bra to him. At least that's the rough outline of his plan. He asks about Lemon's plans. She has scheduled a painful dental procedure, which will guarantee she'll be doped up enough to enjoy the latest Lifetime movie before passing out with drool dripping down her face. Jack snarks at her vigorous spinster-ness, but she unabashedly owns it.

Downstairs, Kenneth is clipping Tracy's nails when Jenna comes in to ask if she's received any packages. Apparently the holiday of love is a big time of year for her stalker. Except she hasn't received anything. Kenneth foolishly assumes that less stalking would be a good thing, but Jenna sets him straight. Without a loony on her tale, she's practically nothing. Then paranoia sets in as she wonders if her stalker might have moved on.

Writer's room. Lutz asks the others for sex tips in an effort to continue his annual farce that he has a girlfriend named Karen who's coming into town. She's real, he insists! As proof, he offers up her personal website address: www.jdlutz.com/karen/proof. Toofer, in turn, is kvetching with the "urban" (read: black) blind date his cousin's set him up with. Frank tells him to bail on the blind date and come on a double date with the "ugly" sister of his date -- "that load with the messed up teeth who cleans the urinals." Toofer briefly considers acting as the Pauly D of TGS right now, throwing himself on a grenade for his boy. Of course, that makes Frank The Situation. Hmmm... Lemon tells about her hot "oral" action. Before they can get too excited, she clarifies she's getting oral surgery and skipping the holiday on doctor's orders. Cerie interrupts to say the doctor called to ask who's taking her home. Pete tells her it's an insurance thing, which Frank backs up with his own horrifying drugged-out dental anecdote. Lemon asks Pete to pick her up, but he'll be otherwise engaged getting wasted in his garage while his wife takes the kids out of town.