30 Rock

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
My Lover/Myself
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

30 Rock. Lemon moans to Jack that she just got her bridesmaid dress for Cerie's wedding. Apparently Cerie has instituted a built-in weight limit by ordering the dresses in Vietnamese size 2. Lemon vows to beat the dress at its own game and has joined a support group -- or, as Jack calls it, "a suicide cult." Speaking of death, Jack says he got a call from Don Geiss's estate lawyer because Jack's in Geiss's will. Jack is excited at the prospect of having a piece of Geiss's legacy. Lemon is, too, but mainly for the "only on TV" home hospital equipment. Credits.

Studio. Tracy announces Grizz's impending nuptials. Assuming it'll be him, Tracy urges Grizz to announce whom he's chosen as his best man. Grizz says he hasn't chosen yet. Tracy does not take this well and walks off sulking.

Lemon moves on to fret about telling Jenna they can't run a Kardashian-themed skit she's pitched (apparently Jack is BFF with Lamar Odom). When Lemon breaks the news to Jenna, the diva herself is surprisingly cool about it. Then she asks how Pete's son with the broken arm is doing. Lemon immediately knows something is amiss and asks, "Are you soaking your tampons in vodka again?" Jenna spills that she met a guy who's made her really happy. Pete foolishly thinks Jenna's new romance might lighten the load for them a bit, but Lemon knows better than that. She reminds him of Jenna's crazy relationships (and crazier boyfriends, including but not limited to a sniper). She says they've got to put the breaks on this courtship or, like all the others, it'll end up biting them in the ass. Or, in Pete's case, the stomach.

Geiss's will reading. Everyone's in attendance: Cathy, Mrs. Geiss, the mistress, Jack, the secret Canadian family, the secret attic family, et al. Cathy inherits an heirloom pocket watch that she has already destroyed by plunking it in her mouth. And, the moment we've all been waiting for: Jack inherits Geiss's beloved pet peacock Argus. And boy is he a beaut. Jack nearly wells up with the sentiment of it all.

30 Rock. Grizz interrupts as Lemon tries to pour herself into the bridesmaid dress. He says he hopes his engagement isn't too awkward given their "sexual past," then asks Lemon to break the news to Tracy that Grizz has tapped Dot Com to be his best man. Grizz appreciates how in sync they are, saying "We really were the Sam and Diane of this place!"

Studio. Jenna skips in to introduce her new boyfriend Paul (Will Forte) to Lemon and Pete. Lemon probes for the basic info on Paul. Jenna attempts to obscure information about Paul at every turn, but it's pretty clear he works for some sort of financial institution. Why she doesn't want anyone to know this is still TBD. Lemon notices as much, and Pete speculates that Paul is an "already married cat strangler." Stay tuned!

Lemon heads up to Jack's office and is startled by Argus. Jack explains about the bird (or, as Lemon calls it, "Ack! Living dinosaur!"), saying Geiss actually had Argus long before he owned NBC. Lemon thinks it's a weird gift and eyes the bird anxious as Jack reminisces about the many fond memories Argus with privy to between Jack and Geiss. He says Geiss and he had nicknames for each other. Lemon interjects, "Like we might some day, 'J-Town?'" Jack ignores the overture, elaborating that he and Geiss went on a trip to Japan and were inspired (by the movie Rising Sun) to call each other senpai and kōhai, or "master" and "pupil." Jack says Argus is all that remains of his senpai. Lemon starts express her sympathy for Jack's loss, but the bird wallops her across the face. Jack grows quiet and uneasy, telling Lemon that Argus has marked her and must think she's his wife. Jack tells her to get out ASAP. As she flees, Argus spreads his magnificent feathers out.

Downstairs a bit later, Lemon and Grizz tread carefully into Tracy's dressing room. A too smiley Lemon tells Tracy she has a great idea: He can be the singer at Grizz's wedding. Tracy sees her enthusiasm and raises her one serious hissy fit. He dresses down Grizz -- "I've known you since you were six feet tall!" -- and says he knows they're trying to manipulate him out of being best man. He screams at Grizz, "It's because of you I'm having a tantrum, now pick up that table and smash it for me!" Grizz dutifully obliges.

Lemon escapes the outburst, only to walk into Jenna's dressing room and find Paul in there alone, fondling Jenna's gold jewelry. Lemon skulks back outside and finds Pete to tell him that Paul's weirdness is escalating. To wit, Paul creepily slits open Jenna's door to look at them through it, then slowly closes it back. Point taken. Lemon says she and Pete need to step up their break-up game, so they make a plan to follow Paul CIA-style that night after work.

Jack's office. Kenneth enters and admires the "swamp eagle." Jack fears that a Geiss-less Argus isn't adjusting well to this new environment. He won't even "eat any of the peacock food [Jack] got him at the crazy rich person store." Jack wonders what to do. Kenneth sniffs out the situation (literally) and notes that Argus has recently taken a mate. When Jack confirms that it's Lemon, Kenneth wishes the bird good luck. Then, as they walk out, he tells Jack that Argus is quite old and probably doesn't have long to live. Jack bids Kenneth to put all of his Page duties on hold to ensure Argus's welfare.

Downstairs, Lemon confronts Tracy about his antics with Grizz and tells him to grow up. Tracy admits that he doesn't actually want to be best man, he just wants to protect Dot Com, who's in love with Grizz's fiancée, Feyoncé. Lemon is impressed that Tracy is actually using his "infantile selfishness" for good. "You think that's impressive?" he asks. "Watch me stand on one foot!" Oh, Tracy, stick to your day job. The two of them argue over who will convince Grizz to pick Tracy to be his best man, so of course it falls to Lemon, who is now fretting that she'll never fit into her bridesmaid dress.

Tracy walks off, and Pete appears in the shadows wearing his stalking fedora and signals her to follow him. They reach a bar, and Pete's on his bajillionth beer when Lemon begins to wonder if they lost Paul. On cue, the night's featured performer, 'Gina (sounds like "try-nuh") Baloney sings about her muffin top. Yep, Paul's a Jenna impersonator. Lemon orders five more cranberry juices for her trouble -- and perhaps for her 'gina baloney.

30 Rock, next day. Lemon fills Jack in on the 'Gina Baloney situation, but he's too preoccupied with making Argus immortal courtesy of Kenneth's backwoods remedies. Lemon bites the bullet, suggesting that perhaps Jack is so obsessed with keeping the peacock alive because he never properly acknowledged Geiss's death. Jack insists he did go through all five stages of grief. Cue slow-mo pantomime sequence set to dramatic music in which the fifth stage of grief is "Shoving Down Emotions and Proceeding as if Everything's Fine." Kenneth interrupts to tell Jack that Argus is sleeping. Jack runs off frantic that some random peacock part might be filling with mucus as they speak. Lemon tells Kenneth none of Jack's stress is about the peacock. She says she has a plan to help Jack and charges Kenneth to take the lead because she's "stretched pretty thin." Kenneth interjects, "Well, not New York thin," and merits a slap from Lemon. He agrees to do the bidding of Lemon, a.k.a. "Mrs. Argus."

Before Lemon can catch a breath, Grizz approaches with a morose face. He hands her an envelope labeled "My Feelings" and asks her to read the contents aloud to Tracy and Dot Com. She agrees, spinning the tale of how Grizz and Dot Com have known each other since they both attended Above the Beanstalk, a summer camp for giants, then asks the others on Grizz's behalf to respect his decision to tap Dot Com as best man. She finishes reading, "'I will always be your--' oh no, no, I'm white. I can't read that word... '--friend from the neighborhood. -Grizz'" Dot Com makes a big show of how he is honored and "no one is getting hurt... no one at all." Lemon tip-toes off as the three guy

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30 Rock

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