Stop Jenna If You Know Where This Is Going...
Jenna: Liz, I can't do girls lunch today.
Lemon: We've never done that.
Jenna: Because I have an audition for Gossip Girl.
Pete: Oh, I love that show.
Jenna: I play Tartine Gramercy, an heiress to a vermouth fortune and a freshman at NYU.
Lemon: Really, a college freshman?
Jenna: That's right. In the scene they gave me, I'm fighting with my mother, a washed-up actress who's clinging to her last scraps of faded glamour.
Pete: Uh huh... it's interesting that they've highlighted the mother's lines.
Jenna: Oh, that's so I'll know what lines not to read. As if the word "mother" didn't tip me off already. Wish me luck! [Leaves.]
Pete: We really should have said something. What happens when she gets there and realizes she's auditioning for the mom?
Lemon: Oh, Pete, that's later. Maybe we'll be dead by then.
Pete: That'd be great...
Equal Rights Offenders
Tracy: Sue, you're probably wondering why we asked you to join the entourage. Well, over the years I've had a complicated relationship with women -- from my treatment of the dancers here to my remarks about Madeleine Albright at the 1996 White House Correspondents' Dinner.
Cut to archival footage.
Archive Tracy: What? It's true. She does look one of those!
Back to present.
Kenneth: Now that Mr. Jordan is having a daughter, he wants to learn to give all women the respect they deserve. Even you foreigners!
Tracy: Now what's on the schedule today?
Dot Com: Ten AM, Dot Com shows us pictures from his trip to Greece!
Tracy: I think I'm gon' go ahead and cancel that.
Dot Com: Okay, I'll reschedule... again. Eleven AM, go to strip club.
Grizz: I'll get the car!
Tracy: Hang on. No! I don't think we should go to a strip club. It just doesn't feel right. I think we should let the new member choose an activity
Sue: I like to go to Tasti D-Lite.
Tracy: I said we're not going to a strip club.
Tracy: What don't you understand? I don't want to take you to a strip club!
The Girlie Showmance
Jack: So what did you do after the party the other night?
Danny: Well, my, uh, "work friend" and I went to her office.
Jack: Oooh, she has an office. Hey, is it that chick lawyer who does the sexual harassment presentation? Because she's asking for it... Okay, no more guesses, continue.
Danny: All right, so we're getting into it, and she takes off her glasses. Real sexy...
Danny: But she never takes off her shoes... which I kind of like. [Recognition dawns on Jack's face.] Even though the reason is she's never let a man see her feet.
Danny: And she's kind of a tease. Mostly we just kiss, and then she makes me go down to the deli to get her a sandwich. So we haven't gone too far. But under that dress... I can tell she's wearing some weeeeird underwear. I wanna see it.
Jack [looking sick]: They're called Spanx.