Jack is jubilant to finally have Danny, a really guy's guy, on the show. Someone who won't famewhore or debate the finer points of Quidditch at local sporting events. Instead, Danny dishes details on his secret office hook-up while he and Jack watch the Knicks play. As the details unfurl, Jack realizes that Danny's down-low GF is (drum roll)… Lemon! Jack holds back projectile vomit before confronting Lemon -- with a silver robot paint-detecting black light, no less. He discourages Lemon from pursuing the relationship, lest it affect the show. Lemon attempts to heed his advice… until Danny puts on a CHiPs costume that's just too sexy to pass up. Lemon accuses Jack of jealousy, and they embark on a competition to see who can claim Danny's sweet, Canadian heart. Lemon proves a more formidable foe than anticipated, so Jack pulls out the big guns and convinces Danny to break it off with Lemon by lying to Danny that he is actually in love with Lemon. He gets a whole lotta help from Lemon's moustache, though. If you have no idea what that means, read the next paragraph…
Meanwhile, Jenna scores a Gossip Girl audition. She dons her finest headband, mistakenly believes she's trying for the part of one of Blair Waldorf's schoolmates when she's actually auditioning for the role of the teen's mother. The casting director sets her straight, and the NSA must elevate the threat level to Orange. Lemon gives Jenna a pep talk about aging gracefully. There are two paths, says Lemon: Meryl Streep or Madonna. Since Jenna gets all of her acting inspiration from the "Gollum-armed" latter (Lemon's words, don't destroy me with yoga, Her Madgesty!), she chooses to age with surgical enhancement. Jenna's earnest efforts go about as tragically as all her other harebrained schemes. Lemon realizes the only way she can get Jenna to act her age is to agree to simultaneously reveal her "friend Tom," i.e. her dormant moustache named after Tom Selleck. Thanks to Jenna's newfound peace with her age, she lands the part.
Tracy brings a lady into his entourage, but his newfound respect for women seriously cramps his island-hopping, strip club-frequenting style. Not to mention that of his fro yo-loving assistant, once he gets all Dadsy on her. Tracy and his assistant-slash-stand-in-daughter have a Full House-style heart-to-heart and poignant-ish montage before Lemon calls her back to the writers' room from whence she came. Glad to see Tracy cast such a wide net in his entourage search.
The cast gets down at a TGS after party. Danny tantalizes Jack with his secret office romance, but he won't disclose who he's seeing. Jack doesn't mind, because he's just happy to have someone around who will get his sports references. Lemon comes over and congratulates on his skits that night: Robot Lorenzo Lamas, Robot Ryan Seacrest and David Hasselbot. Danny takes off, and Lemon marvels that Jack has stooped to attend an after party. She tries to prove to Jack that there are other real men around, but then she looks toward Lutz, who refers to his bro/manziere by saying, "It's not what you think -- it's just something I have to wear to support my breasts."
Jack moans that his season tickets to all the major sports are wasted on the TGS crew, and we're treated to a baseball sideline montage of Lemon doing what she considers Jumbotron-worthy moves, Toofer debating the finer points of Quidditch while Frank drinks beer out of a cup in which he could literally fit his head (and "SOCCER" hat), and Jenna trying to make A-Rod, Jeter, or both jealous by straddling Jack. Jack says Danny is the guy counterpart he's been looking for. Witness Danny's office dalliance. Lemon doesn't care what (or whom) Danny does behind closed doors, as long as he's discreet. Jack reminisces about the old days when pretty young things would come into his office for a little boss lovin'. He gets a little too wrapped up in his trip to Memory Lane, and Lemon asks how drunk he is. Says Jack, "A lot to very." Lemon watches Danny dancing and notes that his body paint, which is glowing under the black light, really doesn't wash off. Jack supposes Danny may just be "glowing like a beacon of manly camaraderie," then realizes he is, in fact, extremely drunk before falling off his chair. Credits.
The next week, Lemon tells Pete they have to end rehearsal early because Jack's taking Danny to a Knicks game. Jenna interrupts them to announce that she's got a Gossip Girl audition. Only she thinks she's auditioning for the role of a college freshman when she's actually (and obviously) auditioning for the mother role. The conversation passes without a word of warning to Jenna as she heads for the audition. Pete is worried, but Lemon has played this game many times before.
Tracy's dressing room. He welcomes a girl named Sue into his entourage. When Dot Com runs down the schedule for the day, he feels that going to a strip club is inappropriate. He asks Sue for suggestions. She thinks yogurt would be delicious, but unfortunately Tracy has very different meanings for Tasti D-Lite and Pinkberry than the rest of us.