30 Rock

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Skinny Jeans & Shattered Dreams
h, I know it's not a house, but I sleep there!" Yikes.

Elsewhere, Tracy is decked out in an all black ensemble, complete with intellectual specs and a beret, as he welcomes the members of the HFPA to his luncheon screening of Hard To Watch. He assures them that they are working on the problem of the sushi platter (Kenneth) moving. Jenna opens the floor for questions, then dominates the Q&A with her own questions before cutting Tracy off to start the movie. It begins with heavy-handed orchestration over shots of Tracy walking through a rough New York neighborhood, carrying a football with a hole in it. He VOs that he used to be a high school running back with dreams. "Now the only thing I use a football for is a toilet."

Meanwhile, Jack watches as Steve Austin films his biographical film against a green screen. He espouses the virtues of the days when the Constitution was written, including no paved roads, rum as an anesthetic, and legalized slavery. Jack cuts him off, trying to make the most of what is becoming a clearly untenable situation. Steve takes the opportunity to show Jack his hand gestures, including "You listen to me," "Forceful conclusion," "There's work to be done," and "Hand me that shovel so I can dig a grave for her." Jack demands the cameras stop filming as his anxiety rises. Jonathan appears with a shot of Rep. Bookman at a youth vote rally. Jack takes this as a sign of desperation. "My generation never votes," Jonathan says gleefully, "it interferes with talking about ourselves all the time." Jack gloats that he's close to victory. All he must do is make Steve seem presentable. In the background Steve pulls out a pacifier and suggests they do a few takes with "'Binky."

As Jack tells Steve to take five, Lemon walks in to ask if he's really going ahead with the cockamamie plan. He says he won't take criticism from someone in a Brooklyn Without Limits shirt. She insists that BWL is saving the world, so he lets her in on a secret that the company is owned several levels up by Halliburton, not Brooklyn Zack, who throws pool parties in dumpsters. He tells her the business was started when Halliburton had an excess of canvas waterboarding hoods in the '90s and made them into messenger bags, which they then sold to "outer borough idiots." Lemon smugly points out the "Hand-made in USA" tag on her jeans, but Jack explains that they are actually made by the Hand tribe (pronounce "Hahnd") not in the U-S-A but in the Vietnamese island prison of Usa (pronounced "Ooh-suh"). "You know how they get the stitching so small?" he asks. "Orphans!"

Lemon persists in believing the folk lore of Brooklyn Zack, but Jack takes her down a notch by saying at least his moral compromises are for the good of an entire company. Hers are only for her ass. As he walks away gloating, Lemon shouts behind that "the Liberal media would have told" her these things if they were true. Jack informs here there's no such thing as the Liberal media because Halliburton's chain of ownership spreads all the way down to the New York Times. Lemon makes a beeline for Wikipedia and discovers a picture of Dick Cheney in her beloved magic jeans. She gasps, "It goes all the way to the top!" She marches into the Brooklyn Without Limits store to confront the salesman who is completely aware of Halliburton's ownership and tells her that she is "so 'norant" (short for ignorant) to believe that a gay man like himself can't be conservative, not to mention hypocritical since she's still wearing the jeans. He walks away, and she sees a T-shirt with Che Guevara's picture on it. "If only you know what this stood for!" she chagrins. The salesman pops back to tell her, "His great-grandfather was Domingo Halliburton." Another Lemon gasp.

Steve Austin fundraiser. After Steve says he hasn't seen so many people in suits since his trial, Jack insists Steve keep quiet and let Jack do the talking. Just seconds later, Steve nearly starts in on the Jews, and Jack forcefully pulls him into a dressing room and tells Steve to stay in there and "cultivate an aura of mystery." Steve takes this to mean he should start moaning mysteriously.

Back at the HFPA screening, Tracy's movie (up to which point his character has now lost part of his arm) has brought everyone to tears, including Kenneth, who is now serving as the cake table. In the film, some cops knock on Tracy's apartment and inform him, "Your mother exploded." The voters clap and Tracy starts over toward the piles of cash he plans to use as bribes. Jenna stops and with tears in her eyes tells him that his movie gave her "drunk in the bathtub face," and she can't sabotage him with a clean conscience.

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30 Rock

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