30 Rock

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Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
"I Ate My Father-Pig!"

Moments later, Lemon unpeels a boiled egg as Jenna walks up to tell her "last night was a disaster -- and not the good kind that ends with me getting to sing at a benefit." She updates her on Paul's invitation to meet his parents, who live in a suburb. Lemon thinks it's progress. She thinks Jenna is afraid of being in love and is self-sabotaging. Jenna insists she's the one trying to make it work and moves ahead with her plan to propose the sex tape, though she says, "call me old-fashioned, but I think that's the man's job." Jenna moves on, and Lemon catches sight of Jack. She says she's made some big breakthroughs, and demonstrates this by talking and eating a boiled egg at the same time. Jack rightly dismisses the conversation as disgusting and keeps walking.

He enters Tracy's dressing room to pump Tracy up for his big talk with Donald. He tells him to be strong, rational and devoid of emotion. Tracy blows that within five seconds of Donald arriving by bursting into tears and declaring his love. Jack delivers the news to Donald, and Tracy tells him to be a "big boy." Donald says he'll be fine because he has other ideas, such as a microbrewery that serves frozen yogurt. Naturally, he plans to call it Microsoft.

Elsewhere, Lemon has cornered Kenneth again and found yet another couch for an impromptu therapy session. Her words bleed together as we cut to Kenneth's Shining-like scribbles of "Harold" all over his notepad. Just as Lemon thinks to delve into her issues with sex, Jack walks into the room. Jack tells Lemon that Kenneth can't handle being her therapist -- "Look at his head shape. He has no brain pan!" Kenneth says flatly that he's okay, then raises his voice to a girly register and adds, "And so am I. I'm Cheryl!" Jack tells her that dumping her problems "on some half-baked Barney Fife" has started a "chain reaction of mental anguish." He points to Kenneth's notepad as proof. "But he's such a good listener," begs Lemon, "and he takes my insurance." At which point, Jack shuts the door in her face.

He sets about relieving Kenneth of his mental burden, which Jack will then crush in his "mind vise." He asks who Harold is, hoping it's a person. Nope! Harold was a pig that Kenneth took on as a role model and father figure after Kenneth's own father died when he was young. One day, Kenneth's mother announced that Harold had to be sold... to the slaughterhouse. Having nothing to keep him in Stone Mountain, Kenneth decided to leave for New York. Only he needed $300 for the journey. So he entered a pig-eating contest because "Why, I once ate an entire witch;, a pig was nothing." But with his bib on and utensils in front of, can you imagine what pig was placed in front of Kenneth? Harold! "I ate all of him -- even the face, in case of a tie." Jack holds back vomit as Kenneth's frenzy grows. "I ate him, sir! I ate my father-pig!" Then he squeals like a... well you get the drift. Jack tries to get this session back on course, spinning it so Kenneth actually gave Harold's death meaning because his loss made Kenneth what he is today -- "the lowest level employee at the last-place network in America!" Kenneth gets up, emboldened and equipped to mull over what they've talked about. He leaves, asking whether Jack is okay to take on his emotional strain. Jack assures him he is. Kenneth leaves, and Jack looks down at his paper, on which the word "DADDY" is scribbled ad infinitum. He struggles to crush these latent issues with his mind vise, ultimately collapsing into girlish wails and smashing his face into a pillow.

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30 Rock




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