Jack claims he hasn't found the "right time" to tell Colleen about her granddaughter, so Lemon and Avery descend on him in a tsunami of squeaks and squeals. Jack tells them it's the Donaghy way to suppress any and all delicate matters until they "erupt in a fistfight at a church barbecue." Avery flings her bump-concealing purse into Lemon's arm and says that she knows where Jack's coming from -- "The symbol on the Jessup family crest is a knight refusing to talk about his feelings" -- but that the baby is good news, not bad. Jack says Colleen would look down on his relationship with Avery because they're not married. Lemon points out that Colleen did the very same thing herself and asks how Colleen reacted when Jack told her that he found his real father. Jack's halting body language informs "The MentaLiz" that Jack has not actually come clean to Colleen about that either. Avery and Lemon rejoin the chorus of jabbering at Jack, who stands back and takes it.
Downstairs, Kenneth enters Tracy's dressing room to deliver him the DVD of Chunks 2, the highly anticipated sequel to his knock-off of Tyler Perry's Nutty Professor and Big Momma's House. Kenneth thinks it's a very important movie because "Obesity is killing the African-American community... with laughter!" Tracy tells Kenneth that he bought the rights to the movie and is planning to block its distribution. He won't be Norbert-ed in his EGOT-ing. Kenneth says he thought Tracy enjoyed acting like a fool. Tracy coldly claims he doesn't, then breaks down within seconds and admits he's lying. He says making people laugh is the one thing he truly loves, but he worries it will destroy his new image as an ac-TOR. He has put a lot of legwork into becoming serious, including the horrifying task of going on Charlie Rose. He vows, "From now on, the only movies Tracy Jordan makes are about the Holocaust, Georgia O'Keeffe, or both!"
Jack's ushers Colleen into his apartment and dispenses of the news quickly. Colleen deems it a disgrace, asking, "What are my chums at the Death Shore Retirement Community going to say when I tell them that my unmarried son has knocked up a Protestant?!" Jack tells Colleen she always ruins the good moments in his life, like when he won a college scholarship in high school. Colleen screams back, "It should have gone to the other boy!" He tells her this is exactly why he's kept the news from her for seven months. She is incensed that he's hiding secrets, so he obliquely refers to the secrets she's kept from him. Of course he means his father Milton Green (Alan Alda), but Colleen takes it to another place: "Most people think I was a hero for killing Lydia's parrot." While Jack puzzles over that confession, Colleen retires to her room so she can "think about more comments... for tomorrow." Jack swiftly retaliates by calling Milton and inviting him to be the guest of honor at his Christmas dinner.