30 Rock

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Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Murphy's Law

Lemon visits Paul/'Gina at work at the tranny roller diner to talk about Jenna. "I don't think I've seen her this upset since Hurricane Katrina," says Lemon, adding, "The coverage pre-empted a tampon commercial she was in." Paul says it's over between Jenna and him and skates off. The tranager skates by, telling Lemon, "You can't be on the floor without your roller skates, Rick." Lemon screams out that she's not Rick, and we cut to a glimpse of Rick, the trannified manifestation of Lemon indeed.

Jack readies everything at his apartment as Lemon arrives, apologizing that she finished her contribution to dessert in the cab. Jack welcomes her to his "Christmas Attack Zone," then adds that Milton is on his way, and Colleen is completely unaware. He pours Lemon a glass of white wine as she wishes she were enjoying a drama-free dinner at the corner table of the Kmart cafe instead. The door rings, and Jack notes that Milton is also unaware that Colleen will be in attendance. Jack eagerly anticipates their explosive interaction, which he explains will probably override Milton's hippie pacifist leanings since Jack "once saw Colleen provoke a Buddhist monk into whipping a battery at her." Jack goes to answer the door, and Lemon downs the whole glass of wine at once.

Jack escorts in chipper Milton, who says "This is going to be the best Winter's Eve Light Festival ever!" Jack rolls his eyes as Milton wishes Lemon "a happy whatever you believe in, too!" Lemon stops the madness and reveals that Jack has an ulterior motive for inviting Milton down to the city. Jack skips the Colleen part and tells Milton he's going to be a grandfather. Milton happily spins some poetry, then tells Lemon she's already showing. Lemon clarifies that she's not the baby mama and spills the beans that Jack invited Milton to ambush Colleen. Jack explains that Colleen looks down on his arrangement with Avery. Milton says Colleen is in no position to judge Jack and should read his new book, There's No Wrong Way To Make a Family. Milton just happens to have brought a copy for Jack and presents it to him. On the cover? You average nuclear family: A witch, an F2M transsexual, and their black wheelchair-bound son and burka-wearing daughter. Milton thinks Colleen's disapproval is hypocritical and promises to give her a piece of his mind at dinner.

At that point, Avery arrives. Jack left her a message contrived to anger her and bring her back as his ally against Colleen. Lemon shakes her head at his machinations. Milton meets Avery for the first time and wonders how Colleen could ever disapprove of such a lovely young woman. He tells Avery of his family's tradition of letting the child name him or herself. Avery and Jack immediately dismiss this as hippie nonsense, but Milton says it worked out for his son Spider-Man. Lemon interjects to cast aspersions on their plan to ambush Colleen for his past mistakes. She says everyone makes mistakes. For example, "I once French-kissed a dog at a party to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12-year-old." She tells them to calm down while she warns Colleen what's in store. Jack points her to Colleen's room, telling everyone once she's out of earshot that he's sent her to the confusing East Wing that was designed by M.C. Escher. A second later, Lemon cries out, "These stairs are weird!" Jack walks toward Colleen's actual room and deviously calls out to her that dinner is ready.

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30 Rock




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