Back at 30 Rock, Tracy and his entourage stumble upon Kenneth's attempt at making the corridor homey. He swears it's not because he's spending Christmas at work and promises that the two trash cans dressed up like people aren't meant to be his parents. Tracy tells Kenneth he's picking up a "serious outfit" from wardrobe for a charity event he's hosting that night. Dot Com explains that all the celebrities are doing holiday philanthropy, including Russell Crowe, who's holding an auction to benefit the victims of his own mood swings. Tracy tells Kenneth he's put together a screening of Hard To Watch for a women's shelter, and it's sure to be depressing. Just like his Darfur slideshow at Ludachristmas. Tracy thinks he has no choice because people won't take him seriously as a comedian. Kenneth argues that comedy is just as important as drama in these tough times.
Back at Jack's apartment, Colleen makes a grand entrance as she introduces herself to Avery, a.k.a. "the bag that my bastard grandchild will come in." Avery wishes her a merry Christmas, gifting her with a brief moment of feeling superior. Colleen asks if Avery is drunk "because you know when you're pregnant, one bottle of wine a day and that's it!" And into the fracas walks Milton, who Jack re-introduces to Colleen as "your shameful sex secret." Colleen immediately sees what Jack's up to. Milton berates her for 50 years of father-son experiences he missed out on with Jack -- things like cross-country road trips in a VW van in which Jack would clearly want no part. Avery takes Colleen to task for judging them when she's been no angel herself. Just then, Lemon stumbles out from a hidden passageway behind a book case, candelabra in hand. She immediately takes in the scene and tells Colleen she tried to stop the surprise attack. Jack asks Colleen what she has to say for herself, and for the first time perhaps ever, Colleen is speechless.
30 Rock. Jenna looks through a photo album of her relationship with Paul. She pauses on a picture of them in front of some swans and gasps. She immediately calls Lemon, who is happy to take a break from the tense dinner. Jenna says her life is ruined because she's come up with the perfect costume for New Queer's Eve but can't execute it without Paul. Lemon becomes fed up with the drama surrounding her on the one day she designed to be drama-free. She tells Jenna she's upset about Paul, not about the party. Jenna counters, "It's about the party. I want to eat shrimp off an old gay dressed as Baby New Year!" With that appetizing image in mind, Lemon hangs up and checks on Colleen, who is sitting by herself in a corner. She tells Lemon she's planning her next move and that the fireworks haven't even begun yet. Like mother, like son, she adds, "Welcome to my Christmas Attack Zone!"