30 Rock

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Michael Neal: B | Grade It Now!
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The Scrump That Screwed Christmas
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Where is Josh? I'm just putting that out there.

Lemon walks into the writer's room holding a box. "I have some great news. We are all getting..." They all take a guess: frozen steaks, iPod nothings, colorful sweaters. "Nope." Answers Lemon. They are all getting ... to participate in the "Letters to Santa" charity program. It's when the post office collects letters that poor kids wrote to Santa and gives them to people who can buy the kids gifts. No one is very willing to cooperate until Kenneth steps into volunteer. Tracy and Lutz roll their eyes; Hornberger's head falls back in frustration. Then Lemon reads a letter from one of the poor kids. "Dear Santa, my name is Chanel Jenkins. I would like some new shoes so I can walk to school. My dream is to be a doctor someday..." Tracy's crying interrupts her. "That kid's never going to be a doctor. I better buy her a jet ski." The rest of the staff follows his lead and take letters from the box. Jack calls Lemon in her office. He's in Florida but not for long. He finally completed that trip to the sunshine state that got detoured last week but this time it was to drop off a present to his mother Colleen. Now it's off to Rio where he can tan in the nude and bet on some monkey wrestling. "Just like Norman Rockwell always drew it." Jackie hangs up the phone and starts his car in the driveway. He backs out just in time to hit his mother, out for a jog. He hears the thud and takes a look back. "Mother!"

Lemon is searching for FUBU related products for her charity kids online when a worried Jack interrupts. He tells her about the whole I-ran-over-ma thing. Lemon is worried but Jack reassures her. "She's fine. She's better than fine. They're giving her a titanium hip like the Terminator. It's only going to make her more powerful. It turns out Jack's more worried about his sanity than his mother's health. Colleen's staying at his house until she feels better and it's already driving him insane. Colleen calls Jack's cell phone. "Yes mother. Well why don't you try taking one of the many blankets off you if you're feeling hot." He puts his finger to his head and does the universal gesture for crazy. "No I wasn't. I was just scratching my head." The phone call ends abruptly when Colleen hangs up on him.

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30 Rock

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