30 Rock

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Michael Neal: B | Grade It Now!
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The Scrump That Screwed Christmas
Lemon and Jenna shop for gifts for their Santa kids. Lemon wants to know where the stockings and stocking stuffers are to go along with the video game system and television already in her cart. In fact her cart is already packed to the brim. "I just want to make sure that Tashawnte, age 9, and Marcus, age 5, have a wonderful Christmas." She's even going to wrap all her gifts because that is what you do on Christmas. She also knows precisely what you don't do on Christmas. You don't call your daughter on December 22nd and tell her you don't really feel up to hosting Christmas this year because she's 38 and you thought that she'd have "her own family by now" and that instead you're going to a couples only retreat in Arizona the theme of which is sexy at 70 ... is what you don't do. This is why her new family the Glovers (Tashawnte and Marcus) are going to feel her wrath of goodwill.

Colleen is seated on the couch reading Urban Fervor by Kevin Grisham. The devil is in the insane details. Urban Fervor is the sequel to Jenna's indie movie The Rural Juror, both penned by John Grisham's brother Kevin. She rings her tiny bell not looking up from the book and Jack and Lemon walk in. "Mother, what is so urgent that you can't wait until I came back from the front door?" For a mother who just had hip replacement surgery and then flew from Florida to New York Colleen is not a happy camper. She is happy to see Liz. She wants Liz to know and believe that the car accident was only an accident. She repeats it in several different ways and Jack reminds her that no one is saying otherwise. She also shows Lemon her Cartier watch that broke in the accident, a gift from her son. "It's not Cartier. It's Chopard," reminds Jack. Of course, after all Cartier was the watch that his mother actually wanted. She subtly reminds him of that tiny disgrace. Jack calls Lemon into the other room to tell her he can't keep it up. He can't take anymore of his mother. Lemon tells him it's just holiday stress but that he loves his mother. "Do I? Do I Lemon? I waited eight minutes. After I hit her and called 911 I sat in my car for eight minutes." We flashback to the accident and Jack holds the phone close to his ear as his eyes drift off for a moment. Lemon wants to soothe his guilt. "It was an accident. It was an accident?" The bell rings in the other room. It's mother.

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30 Rock

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