30 Rock

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Coffee & TV

Lemon is in her office talking dirty to a real estate website called Hot&Prime.com. She wants to "walk all around inside of" a brand new apartment, but closes her laptop when Jena struts in. Jena is shocked that Lemon owns no bit of property. She owns a place in New York, a condo in Clearwater, and some land in the 9th Ward post-Katrina that she's leasing back to the government as a prison. "Ka-ching!" Jena offers to hook Lemon up with her cash-poor manager who is selling his snazzy New York apartment.

Meanwhile the tire factory show is on in Jack's office. It's shot in black and white and stars tires and an assembly line. "Turn it off," barks Jack to Jonathan. "I can't watch anymore of these German sitcoms." He gets a call from C.C., who is in DC. She can't make it up to New York tonight because of work. Jack can't make it down to DC either because of the German TV buyout. "If this is going to work we're going to have to meet each other halfway," says C.C. On television, in the background, is the German game show Interrogation Bear, which looks like an SNL sketch that never made it out of rehearsal. Jack barges into Lemon's office while she holds up the book "How To Buy Your First Apartment in New York City." Can she speak German? Jack wants to know. Yes. Lemon spent a year abroad in Frankfurt. "I partied so hard there, it was crazy." Cut to Lemon dressed like old Jack Lemon, with old Katharine Hepburn's hairstyle. She snaps pictures in a sparrow museum and says in German, "So many different types of sparrows." I slip and fall on a laugh stick. Jack delegates the responsibility of watching the German DTW shows to Lemon so that he can leave to meet C.C.

Someone spills coffee on a personally autographed (by Kenneth) glossy of Jena! Kenneth can't take it anymore. He has it out with Tracy about the coffee machine. Tracy happens to be holding a whipped-cream-topped bit of the good stuff. When he finds out that Kenneth's never drunk coffee, he convinces him to take a sip and when Kenneth does, his face turns aware, like Drew Carey's after that first Vegas lap dance.

Lemon is back from looking at Jena's manager's apartment. "It was incredible." A German accented narrator explains why: "Riva views. New kitchens. Party perfect. The Vindmere. An oasis from the vile obscenity of the human condition." Her offer was accepted, but Lemon still has to meet with the co-op board for approval and she's as nervous about it as a blind date. As a New Yorker, I'm nervous for her, although I can't imagine too much hassle from a co-op board in this city these days. The market is flooded. They build condos in Washington Heights now. Washington Heights!

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30 Rock

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