Bonus: The writers wear doggie collars and stand in buckets of ice in their skivvies as Jack cracks open a beer and tortures them frat-style for their prank on Pete. Character updates in the style of Animal House follow: "Jack Donaghy had promised his pregnant girlfriend he wouldn't drink. He spent the night on a couch that cost more than your car." -- "Later that night, Liz Lemon's pilonidal cyst returned. It is currently her best friend." -- "Kenneth Parcell briefly died on Jack's balcony. He came back with a message from God that he has forgotten." -- "Ogbert 'Tracy' Jordan went on to invent a new kind of borkulator." But not any new types of jokes, alas...
Jack: I'm just revisiting some old GE quarterly reports. My first cover from my first year at the company, 1985! Good times. Just out of the frame was a wheelbarrow full of cocaine.
Lemon: So, uh, why the trip down memory lame? Haha! High-fiving a million angels!
Lemon: Huh, I always forget you used to be poor.
Jack: Thank you. But yes, I've had to work my entire life. It began when my father left, and I started working on the Boston docks as a 12-year-old stevedore. "Bails up, you Micks! Bails up!"
Lemon: You've been working since you were 12?
Jack: I had to. Those jobs put me through college, but they also kept me from having the college experience. I was up early every morning, working my way through the dictionary for the linguistics department or sweeping the floors at the Princeton monkey lab. It wasn't the feces that got to you, Lemon. It was the crudely scrawled notes of "Help me!"
A Trip Down Memory Lame, Indeed
Lemon: College wasn't that fun, Jack. I mean, sure, the first two weeks are nice...
Jack: Lemon, I really don't have time for a long--
Lemon: The fall of 1988! A young Liz Lemon enters the University of Maryland, Richard Marx haircut, pilonidal cyst under control. It was a magical time, Jack!
Jack: Don't worry about getting to your point. I'm going to live forever.
Lemon: The registrar accidentally gave me a handicapped room. It was huge! And for two weeks, it was party central. I was popular. People gave me nicknames. A blonde girl high-fived me! Then [she walks across the room to start wistfully out of a window] like all good things, it ended before it even began.
Jack: Lemon, that's actually my thoughtful window-staring spot. Visitors stare over here.