30 Rock

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Lemon and Jack Get Schooled

He tells Lemon his back story: He's been working since he was 12 (as a Boston Bay stevedore, a linguistics drone and a monkey lab custodian), which put him through college but also kept him from having the typical college experience. Lemon tells him that college wasn't all that great and launches into her own colorful memories of flirting with popularity for the first two weeks of college. She finishes, staring longingly out a window. Jack interrupts her to say she's at his thoughtful staring place and to direct her to the pining window for visitors. She moves to the correct location, he takes his spot, and they stare out the windows together.

Down in the studio, the sexy crew guy kicks off the lottery. Pete thinks his Four of Clubs will win because it's his wife's nickname for his penis. Alas, it's Lemon's Queen of Spades that is picked. Everyone groans and boos. Lemon tells them she's not keeping the money but is going to open up a tab for them all at Hurley's. The sexy crewman asks if she's for real. She takes quick glance at the name on his coveralls and says, "You know it, Arriflex!" Unfortunately, she read the wrong side of the coveralls, and his name is actually Chris. Whatevs, drinks on Lemon!

Lemon walks into her room and starts to pick out a wedgie when Jack interrupts and asks her to make sense of the Microwave Division's quarterly report. It appears they've had their best quarter in five years -- and without Jack. Lemon plumbs out the positive, arguing that Jack hired everyone in the division, so its success is all due to him. He tells her that's the smartest thing she's ever said. She counters, "Really? What about three years ago, when I said there should be more TV shows about cake?" Jack decides to drive out to R&D in Stamford and congratulate his team, by which he really wants to remind them who is boss and to whom they should give all the credit. He expects they'll give him some sort of recognition, perhaps a crystal plaque, and then he may even "reward one of them with a... name remembrance." He's momentarily distracted when he looks at Lemon's monitor to the studio and sees that the entire crew is acting drunk. She tells him about the money, the bar tab, the boozy lunch, and how now everyone likes her. He responds, "Oh, Lemon, please. Money can't buy happiness. It is happiness."

Jack leaves Lemon's office. As he walks through the writers room, Frank types "I love unicorns" into Pronouncify.com. Jack doubles back as Lutz tattles that he told him not to do it. He tries to be all buddy-buddy and is all, "Let's go, Jack," but Jack waves him off and tells the writers to get the yuk-yuks out of their systems right here and now. It goes too far when Toofer types in, "Obama is very presidential." He tells them, "You should be ashamed of yourselves, a bunch of 30-year-olds sitting around acting like college freshmen when some of us had to spend their freshmen year making those recordings... and leading a disastrous monkey escape." He tells them to grow up and leaves.

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30 Rock

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