30 Rock

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Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
The Pelican Grief

Lemon sits down across from a woman powdering her nose and speculating about the firings. She unrolls her plan to seduce Jack into keeping her and her staff. Lemon is aghast, especially when the VP of Seduction asks Lemon to join her in the firing room for a little tag-team action. Jack's latest victim comes out in tears, and Kenneth tells Lemon Jack is ready for her.

Lemon lays out her quandary for Jack, but he is entirely unsympathetic, having to exercise the same cold-hearted fiscal strategery himself. And thus endeth the era of late-night, long-distance crank calls to Seattle's Richard Sackmuncher. Lemon wonders why Jack can't cook some numbers, shred some documents and "do some Pelican Brief stuff." (If you're not taking shots by now, you should be, FYI.) Jack wonders why everyone is talking about that movie. Lemon says it's been on Showtime. Jack orders Kenneth to get him Showtime. Kenneth's heart explodes inside his frail, farm-boy rib cage. Jack apologizes that he can't be more helpful. Lemon alerts him that his next meeting will involve an indecent proposal. He's all, "Ugh. Not again!" but does note the instances in which sexual bartering has worked -- Salome, Mata Hari, Deborah Norville. He sends her downstairs to work it out, warning her not to cut the straw budget because he's already cut the exterminators.

The next morning. Jenna's dressing room. Tracy enters to run a theory by Jenna: Kenneth the Ripper! Jenna taps into her extensive knowledge of serial killers' behavior tics, and they determine that it's very likely Kenneth is a homicidal maniac. They resolve to tell Jack. Jenna notes the added bonus that it could make them both famous... or destroy Kenneth's life. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to...

Elsewhere, Lemon walks down the hall, only to be faced by all the destruction wrought by Budgetary Brad's cuts. Lutz whimpers for food, Lightning-Struck Announcer Guy slurs his last goodbye to "Luuurz," and Pete faces the horror of a return to teaching high school math and combating the insidious blossom of female bodies. The whole crew pleads with Lemon to save them. She marches down the hall, makes a horribly inept pass at Budgetary Brad, and books a drinks date with him for that night.

Doom-aghy's office. Kenneth reports in, and Jack tells him to buck up, focus, stop making mistakes, and think before he speaks. He asks if Kenneth understands. Kenneth pauses for approximately 12 and a half minutes before answering simply, anxiously, "Yes." Kenneth heads back out to his desk, where Tracy and Jenna come to a terrified standstill at the sight of a strangely expressionless Kenneth at Jonathan's desk. Tracy asks about Jonathan, and thus begins the "Kenneth as serial killer" shtick. With each question, Kenneth speaks veeeeeery, veeeeeery slowly and creepily calmly, referring to his recent "terrible mistakes." They assure Kenneth that their meeting with Jack is not about him, but instead about a friend of Tracy's in Canada who might be a serial killer. Oh, and his name is Kenneth. D'oh! Kenneth and his dead eyes promise to let Jack know as soon as he's done firing Steven Lee from Microwaves... who just happens to be sitting right there. Guess talking slowly ≠ avoiding errors. Jenna and Tracy, certain that they will be heroes, decide to rush to Kenneth's apartment and rescue whoever they can. Quoth Tracy, "Yeah, like Julia and Denzel in The Pelican Brief!" You drunk yet?

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30 Rock




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