Lemon: You're going to try to have sex with Jack?
Sheryl: I have 15 employees. I'm responsible for them. Do you have any idea what that's like?
Lemon: Well, yeah. I have 200 people under me, but...
Sheryl: Wow! Maybe we could team up, go in there together, lez out, give him a show...
Lemon: No, Sheryl. Get a grip!
Tracy: Jenna, something weird is going on.
Jenna: You mean this budget cut? Don't worry about it, Tracy. It's just going to affect the 'non-specials.'
Tracy: No, it's not that. Jenna, you're the smartest person I know. Do you think Kenneth could be a murderer?
Jenna: What? Why would you think that?
Tracy: Well, I might be crazy... but neither he nor his bird would let me into his bedroom. And why wouldn't you want to let Tracy Jordan into your bedroom unless you got a buncha dead nurses in there?
Jenna: Well I had to study serial killers to prepare for my role as criminal profiler Jill St. Ferrari in the Lifetime original miniseries Hushed Rapings, and all mass murderers share three characteristics: Cruelty to animals...
Tracy: He grew up killin' pigs!
Jenna: ...Bed wetting...
Tracy: No wonder he's fascinated when I do that!
Jenna: ...And an inability to read human facial cues.
Tracy: I admonished him for that earlier! Three for three! He's a monstah!
Jenna: We've gotta go tell Jack! If Kenneth is actually a killer, we're gonna be heroes!
Lemon's Tools of Seduction
Lemon: Lee! I need that dress Jenna wore for the hooker sketch, the heels Tracy wears when he plays Michelle Obama, and double -- no, triple Spanx. I need a makeup artist! [A makeup artist emerges.] No! The sluttier one.
Lemon: Thanks for dinner. You sure know a lot about sushi.
Brad: Well, you gotta be careful. They try to up-sell you real crab. Listen, I gotta get going. I gotta lot of work tomorrow.
Lemon: All right, listen, we're both adults here. We know the deal. Let's cut to the chase.
Brad: That's certainly direct.
Lemon: We go upstairs, 20 minutes, open mouth, I will work your ears.
Brad: I don't know, Liz. What you're asking to do is a big deal. If I go through with this, I need to know that it's worth it.
Lemon: Fine. Thirty minutes, I'll make some sounds, and you can say one weird thing to me.
Brad considers silently, skeptically