Writers' room. A hatless Frank, plus a wavy new coiffeur, figure-hugging cardigan, smaller glasses frames, and old lady tote bag (in short: a twisted copy of Lemon) enters to tell the writers one of their bits (Rubik's Pube?) was shut down by the standards department. Toofer notes Frank's new resemblance to a one Lesbian Yellow-Sour-Fruit, and Frank gives a huffy explanation of how he got that way. He storms over to his office in a snit and slams the door before opening it back up, weepily cupping his head in his hand, and asking everyone, "What is happening to me?"
Studio. Lemon is on the 510th take of her titles sequence, and boy, is it a doozie. Think of every awkward gesture and facial expression you can, then double them and add raising the roof, seal clapping, Bingo Wing waving, and smiling like someone who's stuck in a permagrimace after about 3,000 facelifts. I'm sorry friends, this is not something I can give justice to with words. You'll just have to watch it for yourselves. As Pete grows increasingly frustrated, Jack employs the coddling technique Jenna suggested. He asks her to step in front of the high-def camera, only to discover that she is the spitting image of the Wicked Witch from Snow White in front of that thing. Jack pleads for her to step away.
Just then, Kenneth shows up with a bouquet of flowers. Jack thinks they're the ones he sent, but instead they're from Devin, who has included a card with a loving and thoughtful note: "FEMA paid for these showers, because your show is going to be a disaster." Lemon freaks out. Pete starts to wonder if he jumped the gun in getting a Chinese-character "freedom" tattoo. He walks away in front of the high-def cam, showing him as a naked old man. Jack asks Kenneth to give him a moment alone with Lemon, so he, too, walks away in front of the high-def cam which reveals him to be a bobbing, grinning muppet. Jack lies his ass off, telling Lemon she's better than Oprah. Still anxious, she runs off. Then Jack steps in front of the high-def cam, showing what must be younger footage of himself, because damn he looks good. Less than 30 seconds later, Jack's phone buzzes. It's a hysterical Lemon: "I fully understand the irony of what I am about to say... but I have locked myself in my dressing room, and I am not coming out!" Commercials.