You're the jokes! You're below! Somebody bring you some laaaaaaaaaaaughs!
Lemon's Theme (The Most Ham That She Can Eat)
Lemon: Liz Lemon's got her very own talk show! [Singing.] I'm a star! I'm on top! Somebody bring me some haaaaaaaaaam! [Speaking.] I used to sing that when I was a kid.
Jack: Yes... Well, it's really happening for you, Lemon. Between TGS and this, you're like a swarthy, big-hipped Kelly Ripa.
Tracy: Liz Lemon, I need to talk to you.
Lemon: What's up Tra?
Tracy: Come over here and check out my corner -- no trap!
Tracy: "Come over here," I said... in my normal tone of voice. Liz Lemon, I've recently realized I have a hole in my heart. And not the one I got from eating batteries. It's 'cause I don't have a daughter.
Oops! ...She Did It Again
Angie: Why are you handcuffed to the book shelf I built my husband?
Lemon: Tracy did this to make me tell you he wants to have a baby girl.
Tracy [pats Lemon on the head]: You did good!
Angie: Really? Have you lost your mind? I'm not going to raise another child by myself.
Tracy: What are you implying? I'm a very attentive father.
Angie: Oh please, Tracy. Where were you last week during Tracy Jr.'s birthday party?
Tracy: There was a better kid's birthday party up the street?
Angie: I can't believe you made me come up here for this! Now I won't have enough time to shop for Christmas presents and still get my hair did.
Tracy: Your hair did? You just got your hair did. You have to get your hair did again?
Angie: It needs to be did every week!
Lemon: Maybe we could un-did these handcuffs?
Tracy [overlapping]: Racist! ... You know what? Keep your hair appointment. I'll do the Christmas shopping this year to prove to you that I can be reliable and finish everything that I-- [Picks up coat and walks out.]
The Banks Ultimatum
Devin: D.C.'s great -- so many men in uniform down here.
Jack: If you're calling to check in on your bailout money, just read the budgets we sent. We're getting more efficient every day. Our healthcare costs are way down since we started putting something in the coffee to keep women from getting pregnant
Devin: It's funny, I have been reading the budgets. And I couldn't help but notice you're doing a talk show with your four-eyed little friend.
Jack: That is a business decision. She wrote a very popular book.
Devin: It doesn't matter. You know how bad that could look? Worse than me in Capri pants... which you'd think I'd be able to pull off because I'm tall.
Jack: What are you saying, Banks?
Devin: If this Liz Lemon project loses one penny, I am going to publicly flog you like... well, like me at the Provincetown Flogging Festival.