30 Rock

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Michael Neal: B | Grade It Now!
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Not So Fast, Shark

They leave immediately, taking the elevator the same time that Devon exits the other. Jack expresses second thoughts to Liz. "Is this the way my life was supposed to play out? The kid who walked four miles every Saturday to caddy because mother said that golf was a game for businessmen? Paid his way through Princeton by working the day shift at that graveyard and the graveyard shift at that Days Inn?" He dreads the idea of having sex with Kathy but considers it his only option. Lemon begs to differ. Maybe it's not about sex; maybe it's about attention and the high drama Kathy sees everyday while watching her stories. She doesn't actually say "stories." I just mean her soap opera shows, but you already knew what I meant if you used to tape episodes of Bold and the Beautiful and Guiding Light in 11th grade too. Not that I did (I did). Jack thinks soap operas are all about sex but Lemon corrects him. They're actually more about scenes where "someone's twin interrupts a wedding, or someone pulls a gun at a fitness center." Jack gets a text from Kathy. She's wondering where his strawberry mouth is. Bev walks in and Lemon begs Jack to be charming and he obliges offering to take her on a tour of the studio. Along the way they walk into a shouting match between Tracy and Jenna. Jenna's furious about her thank you gift for working on his video game, a coupon for free hugs. Jack leads Bev away, over to the green room/nursery. Outside the green room/nursery are baby dolls being tossed rudely into a giant mail bin. Bev is shocked. "Did you lie to me about their being a nursery here?" she asks Lemon. One of the men unloading the dolls is the same black man from earlier. "Rick, what are you doing?" says Lemon. "Bitch, my name is Fred." Bev gets all in Lemon's grill talking 'bout a "serious breach of trust" but Jack cock blocks her with some sugar talk, but then out of nowhere charges in Kathy Geiss, who sees Bev and Jack close together and goes Norman Bates on Bev's ass, yo. She knocks Bev hard into the wall. Awwww snap! Jack pulls her away. Aw snap-snap! It's like the Maury Povich Show. Jack warns Bev to run away and she does ... straight into Frank's set of gold nunchucks. Ouch. She collapses to the floor.

They take Bev to an empty couch and when she wakes up she introduces herself to Jack as if it were their first meeting: "I'm Bev. I'm here to do Liz's adoption evaluation." It's slight amnesia, therefore Lemon gets a do-over. She only wants 20 minutes to prove herself worthy of adoption before they cart Bev off to a hospital for exhibiting memory loss. Everyone at TGS is put on high notice to be on their best behavior and they come through, offering high praise of Lemon to Bev. This time Lemon even gets Fred the black man who isn't Rick's name right in the hallway. Does it make a difference? No. Bev says that because of the amount of hours Lemon has to work it does not make her a suitable candidate for adoption. Lemon gives an emotional plea to the contrary, insisting that her life "will open up and make room just the same way that my heart will open up and make room when I meet this baby." The plea works. Bev reverses her decision agreeing to reconsider her evaluation. The two smile at each other. Pause. Bev says, "I'm Bev. I'm here to do Liz's adoption evaluation." Argh! Lemon asks for someone to finally take the poor woman to the hospital.

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30 Rock

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