Kaplan's office. Wesley has brought a video camera (or, as the Brits call it, a "film pod"), and Lemon is trying to convince the good doctor to get them stoned and film them so they can figure out what drew them to each other initially. The doctor's a bit offended by this experiment, so Wesley says the love between them could be the stuff of Notting Hill (see below) if they could just go back under for a bit. The doctor saves them time, and himself anesthesia, by showing them the patients currently bonding in the recovery room. It's a magical place where love knows no race, age, or sexual orientation (witness the older black postal worker and her geeky new bf, or the butch lesbian stroking the face of a Hasidic Jew). He closes the door on that shit show -- and on Lemon and Wesley's relationship. They delete each other's numbers and bid adieu.

30 Rock. Word of the nanny's tell-all has reached the media. Franks holds up a newspaper (headline: "Old Faithful") and expresses his disappointment with Tracy. Jenna gives Tracy a few tips at media relations from her own past. Specifically, deny deny deny. Tracy said he's tried, but his announcement that he's leaving show biz to spend more time with his stripper didn't fly. Dot Com breaks the news that Tracy's been dropped by another of his sponsors. Tracy walks off fretfully, and Jenna and Dot Com mourn his swift implosion.

Jack's office. Dave Hess from Kabletown gives Jack the rundown on NBC's new owner. In a nutshell, Jack doesn't have to do anything because the company has a channel scheme that pays for itself. Namely, all channels between 500 and 600 are pay-per-view porn parodies. This month's moneymakers, so to speak, include many, many ass-tastic riffs on 2010 Oscar nominees. Apparently these cinematic gems generate 91% of Kabletown's profits. Jack asks why they're buying NBC then. Hess explains that the purchase constitutes a "charitable donation for tax purposes." Heh. He adds that Jack will look great standing behind Kabletown's CEO at press conferences. This notion rubs Jack, who considers himself an industry innovator, the wrong way. Hess tells him to go with the flow and admit defeat. Jack wearily quotes the poignant words of Hans Gruber from Die Hard.