Jenna: So how was your second date with Wesley?
Lemon: You know that scene in Notting Hill where they have the romantic date in the garden?
Lemon: Well I would have rather watched that terrible movie five times than hung out with Wesley.
The Reverse Tiger
Jack: We have a Tracy problem.
Lemon: Okay. Escaped exotic animal, or did he swallow another firecracker?
Tracy: I wish! Our old nanny wrote a tell-all book about me.
Lemon: Oh no!
Tracy: It's bad. I just got the call from a friend at Little Brown.
Lemon: The publishing house?
Tracy: No, the premiere talent agency for black dwarves.
Jack: Tracy, we need to start doing damage control on this, what does she reveal in the book?
Tracy: Everything! My addiction to prescription glasses. My Attention Deficit Disor-- Jack, your shoes are shiny! And worst of all, she revealed the fact that I've never cheated on my wife!
Lemon: Okay, well that's not true.
Jack: Actually, it is true. Tracy shared that with me last year.
Lemon: What? What about the strip clubs and the disgusting stories? Your Ben & Jerry's flavor is called "Adulteraisin."
Not Out of the Woods Yet
Frank: Say it ain't so, Tra. What about the Seattle Seahawks cheerleader? That one kinda thick Rockette? That blind woman in the business class bathroom on the Acela? Were those all lies, too?
Tracy: But Frank, I still party. I'm still terrible at my job!
Frank: I looked up to you! Now I hate you.
Jenna: Tracy, I know what you're going through. I got a lot of flack after I ate the pig that played Babe. I learned you have to go on the offensive, start denying this stuff.
Tracy: I did, J-Mo. I held a press conference this morning. But it's like a black Barbie doll in Arizona -- nobody's buyin' it.
Dot Com: Well we just lost another one, Tra. I just got off the phone with the people from Horny Goat Weed. They're dropping you as their spokesman.
Tracy: But John Edwards and I were supposed to ride on that Cinco de Mayo float!
Dot Com: Yet another black superstar taken down by his personal life.
Jenna: Just like my favorite golfer -- O.J. Simpson.