SSM: Romance for the Defeatist Era
Lemon: Settling soul mates? That is grim. And I've played Monopoly alone.
Wesley: I know it's not ideal, but we both benefit. I could open jars and kill bugs for you. And you could make me look less gay at work functions.

Rife with Lem-anigans
Lemon: Okay, mentor time. I need a pep talk!
Jack: Lemon, I'm not in the mood to solve your lady problems or listen to a story about whatever escapee from the island of misfit toys you're currently dating.
Lemon: No, this is Liz relationship emergency. It's a Liz-aster!

Porn: Parody or Parity?
Dave Hess: Jack, women hate porn. Almost as much as men hate going to outlet malls.
Jack: Yes, women hate porn. Our porn. But women do have one insatiable need -- to jabber. And it doesn't matter if you have a headache, or you're not in the mood, or you're about to go to Don Geiss's funeral. They barge right into your office and start complaining about a boyfriend or a co-worker, and you're supposed to sit there and nod and tell them they're right. And the more you give it to them, the more they want it.
Dave Hess: I tell ya, sometime's my wife'll be blatherin' on about something, and I'll think, "I'm more than just a pair of ears, you know? I'm a person. Who thinks about sex every seven seconds!"

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