Back in Toronto, all the flights back to New York are cancelled, the rental cars are booked, and trains and buses are sold out. Even Jack's AmEx Invisible Card isn't working its magic like usual. Avery desperately suggests they run to the border, but Jack doesn't know how far it is because the lady at the desk told him the distance in kilometers. Jack returns to the idea of their similarities being a double-edged sword. Even though it makes them dynamite at three-legged races, he says, perhaps their radical patriotism is holding them back in this situation. He proposes it might not be so bad for their daughter to be born in Canada. He brings up the example of Alexander Hamilton, who was born in the West Indies. Avery shuts down this suggestion, spitting that Hamilton grew up "to be a mouthpiece for Federalism and die in a duel against someone named Aaron." She asks incredulously, "Is that what you want our daughter to be? A big-government duel loser?" This round goes to Jessup. They head out to the streets, steeling themselves to hitchhike homeward.
Back on the plane, yet more babies are crying as the failed NBC sitcoms play for a second rotation. One highlight is Gals on the Town, a Lipstick Jungle/Cashmere Mafia redux starring Aisha Tyler, Teri Polo, and infamous show killer Lindsay Price. Sample opening credits lyrics: "Love and friendship, having it all... or maybe just a great pair of shoes! One of them has to be Asian and they be good at their jobs!" At this, the air marshal disintegrates into sobs, a woman staggers down the aisle begging for someone to do something, and Lemon's neighbor echoes her cries. Lemon stands up to rally the passengers and remind them of the magazine-buying, leg-crossing, Chili's Express-eating people back in the terminal. "We were like them once, and we can be again!" Though the woman in the aisle fears they're just "airplane folk now," Lemon is certain that Carol is a reasonable, compromising man (and not just about sexual positions). She tells them if they can come up with a list of things they want, he'll certainly give them those things. Everyone cheers.