30 Rock

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Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Babies on Board

Lemon: So you're lying? That's not right. We're paying customers.
Carol: Look, Liz, we have reasons for doing things the way we do them. We say half an hour to control the herds of walking mozzarella sticks who think that $300 and a photo ID gives them right to fly through the air like one of the guardians owls of legend. God, that's been our in-flight movie for months.
Lemon: I just think it's frustrating for people to know that they're being lied to.
Carol: Maybe you just want to fly the plane yourself. Well good luck pressing "Take Off," then "Autopilot," then "Land!"

The Pitfalls of EGOT-ing
Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, several messages for you.
Tracy: Breakfast with Schumer? I don't want to watch that guy eat. 5K homeless walk? That just seems cruel. Cornell commencement address? Sorry, but Tracy Jordan doesn't do safety schools. The next level sucks!

Quitters Never Win, But They Do Occasionally Stumble into Mobile Meth Labs
Jack: If you want to quit--
Avery: Quit? I've never quit anything in my life. I'm still a Girl Scout. I have 9,000 badges.
Jack: Hey, I'm still looking for a golf ball I shagged in 1987. I am not taking that penalty shot!

Parent, Hood
Lorne: You guys should be in a hospital, not driving to Buffalo in a snowstorm.
Jack: Thank you for your input, Lorne, but Avery and I want our daughter to be born in America so she can one day become president and declare war on Germany like back when we were awesome.
Lorne: You know, you remind me of my parents.
Jack: I find that very hard to believe.
Lorne: They were both really intense. They wanted me to grow up to be Prime Minister, so as a kid I had to win the Spelling Bee. They made me memorize all 700 words in the Canadian dictionary. Then I had to go to law school.
Jack: You went to law school?
Lorne: For one day. I was just so tightly wound that I got kicked out for karate chopping my roommate. I know, I'm a stereotype. All guys from Quebec are good at karate.

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30 Rock

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