Lemon develops a new philosophy: Lizbianism. In short, she decides to spend as much time focusing on her personal life as the show. Alas, a plastic bag in the tree outside her apartment window keeps her from realizing her own fabulousness because it reminds her of the flaws of her own mortality. Even after getting Tased while cutting the bag down, Lemon is convinced she has mastered her own destiny. That is, until a delivery boy runs into her and sends a swirl of bags up into the tree outside her window. Lemon is once again forced to face her own mortality.
Jack realizes raising Liddy is actually easier without Avery, especially when the fringe benefits include Skype sex with a Reagan mask. Then Avery is abducted in North Korea. Jack blames himself and is chagrined to turn to his former lover Condoleezza Rice for help. He also turns to Tracy, who naturally starred in a film with Kim Jong-Il back in the day. Both of these paths to Avery's freedom fail, and shortly thereafter Avery makes statements indicating she's been brainwashed against capitalism. Jack fears he'll never get his baby mama back.
Tracy returns to find that the world continued spinning even when he was gone. He learns of an inside joke between Kenneth, Grizz, and Dot Com and insists on recreating the exact circumstances of the joke so that he can once again make himself the center of attention. When that doesn't work, he grows desperate... until Kenneth admits they only developed the inside joke because they were so heartbroken he was gone. Tracy's ego is fed once more, and all is right with the world.
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Jack and his nanny sing little Liddy a quaint island lullaby: "Hush little baby, tomorrow you shuck the cane. Your little fingers bloody, prepare to be whipped." Liddy peacefully drifts off to sleep as Avery calls in on Skype. She insists on waking up Liddy so she can have some mommy time, but Jack says their pediatrician Dr. Kevorkian insists on putting her down. He catches himself and realizes what an unfortunate name and word juxtaposition that was. Jack tells her to call back before Liddy's Babynomics class the next day at 11 AM, but Avery screams out and wakes the baby anyway.
Lemon's apartment. Jenna "supervises" as Lemon cleans up the mess Tracy left in the top floor of her apartment. She picks up a blue bottle of soda and wonders why there are so many like it there. Jenna tells Lemon it's Tracy's urine. Says Lemon, "He is not well!" She insists that someday her apartment is going to be an amazing duplex like on Diff'rent Strokes. She starts going through boxes of stuff that she's let fall to the wayside, including a Spanish course, the start of her novel (featuring the line "Liz stabbed Jenna repeatedly"), and a copy of The Secret that Jenna gave to her. Jenna thinks visualization is key to achieving your dreams, but Lemon thinks it's more about taking control, like she did to get Tracy back on the show. Jenna says that if Lemon's so in control, why is her personal life a mess? To wit, she points to a sticky note on Lemon's sweatshirt that reads, "DO NOT wear again without washing!!!" Lemon admits Jenna's right and vows to put as much effort into her personal life as she does into work. Credits.
Lemon marches into Jack's office to tell him about her new life philosophy: Lizbianism. She announces that her new philosophy maker her "a dyke... against the rising waters of mediocrity." She shows him tile samples she's going to use to redo her bathroom... then the world! Jack congratulates her for talking like a winner and ceremoniously gives him one of her neckties. As he ties it, he quotes William Earnest Henley: "It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." She recognizes it from Invictus, then asks, "Wait, who was the white guy in that?" (We miss you, Carol!)