30 Rock

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 3 USERS: A+

Upstairs, Jack's phone starts to ring. Jonathan runs into his office to tell him to turn off the TV. Jack clicks on the tube and goes live to a statement from Kim Jong-Il (Margaret Cho) announcing that Avery has been captured in North Korea. The newscast goes back to the anchor, who reminds us, "It's never too early to plan your dog's Halloween costume!" Jack gasps, "I told her to stay. I didn't want her at home. This is my fault." Jonathan notes if he just says one more syllable, he'll have written a haiku. Jack says glumly, "Leave." Hope you enjoyed your Secretary's Day poem, Jonathan!

City Hall. Lemon strides in confidently, only to emerge bedraggled a few moments later. She seeks refuge, as usual, in Jack. He says he can relate because he's got his own problem. She tells him it to lay it on her, so he mentions that Avery has been kidnapped by Kim Jong-Il. She wails, "What? Is she a spy? Oh God, I already know too much!" Jack calms her down, saying Avery was probably detained to bolster the country's propagandist machine. Flash to a news broadcast of Avery saying, "And in food news, you've had enough to eat today. And now with the weather, here's Johnny Mountain." As you can guess "Johnny Mountain" is really Kim Jong-Il, who declares, "North Korea: Everything sunny all the time always! Beach party!"

Lemon thinks Jack should call Bill Clinton to get Avery back home, but Jack says that "President InterBush is out of the question." He does have one high-profile connection, but it's fraught to say the least. He wishes he hadn't broken up with Condoleezza over text ("me + U = :("). Even with that hit against him, Jack resolves to solve his problem, which is equally as important as Lemon's bag-in-a-tree situation. They chant "Invictus" and give each other a thumbs-up.

Downstairs calls the "Smooth Move, Ferguson" recreation meeting to order. Kenneth says everything is on course, except that it's not raining. Tracy gives Kenneth his credit card to get a rain machine... by jimmying the lock at a special effects warehouse. Once they figure out how to determine what they were wearing (security footage) and get Dot Com sick again (lick the subway steps), Kenneth notes that Jenna's hair was longer then. Tracy tells her she can take time to grow it out. With access to horse semen, it'll take about three weeks.

Three weeks later, Lemon still hasn't gotten the bag out of the tree. She screams out her window at the bag, insisting it won't win. The bag actually answers back, "But Liz, I already have." It goes on to say that no human is master of his own fate and even her dream apartment won't forestall mortality. The bag says he'll be there long after Lemon's gone... "the wind rustling against my genitals -- that's right. Bags have genitals." He tells her no matter how many accent walls she paints, he'll end up watching the EMTs take her out in his cousin the body bag.

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30 Rock




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