Lemon: Jenna, the only way you make things happen in the real world is by taking action.
Jenna: Oh, I've taken Action. It dries your mouth up, but the sex is amazing.
Jack Probably Would Have Preferred Lemonomics
Lemon: Great news, Jack. I've got a new life philosophy that I call "Lizbianism."
Jack: I see. How did you come up with that name?
Lemon: Well, I'm Liz, and obviously my philosophy is simple, like a bean. I'm fixing problems in my personal life the way that I fix problems at work. I saved the show, and now I'm going to save me. Because Lizbianism means that I am a dyke... against the rising waters of mediocrity.
JessupGate Just Doesn't Have the Same Ring
Lemon: You have to call President Clinton. He got Lisa Ling's sister out of North Korea.
Jack: President InterBush is out of the question. Avery will never accept his help. She can't forgive him for not hitting on her during the 1996 Democratic Convention.
Lemon: She's much too thin.
Avery: Jack! Oh thank God. I forgot the US country code, but then I remembered it's number one!
Jack: How are you calling me?
Avery: Nobody here has ever seen an iPhone. I told them it was my razor. I have to shave my legs with it, but there's an app for that.
Jack: Oh, Avery, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I told you to stay.
Avery: No, this is nobody's fault -- except for maybe that pansy Harry Truman for not taking down this country when he had the chance.