Just as Lemon's made a date with a new man, Floyd (surname: deBarber, love it!) stops back into town for a couple of days and wants to see her. She lets herself get excited about the possibility of rekindling their Cleveland-squelched flame, only to see him on the Today show participating in a wedding contest with his fiancée. Wouldn't that have been nice to know? On their not-date, she asks politely that he not rub her face in his happiness by getting married in Rockefeller Plaza, but he explains he's in the contest to help his ab model wife get exposure so they can move back to New York together. Yeah, Floyd, that didn't really soften the blow. Lemon reverts to Plan B, conspiring to give Floyd food poisoning with the fish at the restaurant (she's been sick there three times before). Instead, former alcoholic Floyd gets wasted and belligerent from the sauce on his three orders of Jack Daniels salmon. The bender carries on to the next morning, when Floyd morning-show-bombs (and nearly tosses his salmon on) Hoda and Kathie Lee. Lemon explains everything to Floyd's soon-to-be-wife -- even gives her some TGS swag as a sort of olive branch -- and gets some closure on her feelings for Floyd, only to be sucked back in when Floyd's fiancée asks her to join the wedding party. A dry wedding with an ab model and someone you used to have sex with. Sounds likes a blast!
Meanwhile, Danny is pleased as poutine after receiving a Juno (Canadian Grammy) nomination and being featured in a New York Times profile. Pete schemes to avoid the inevitable jealous fits from Jenna and Tracy by sequestering them to create plaster molds of their faces all day -- with narration and storytelling by Kenneth! This has a predictably adverse effect, inspiring horrifying sexual dreams about Kenneth for both of them. But the aforementioned dreams bring some amazing half-naked Kenneth dancing, so that's a plus. They resolve to fix their problem in the only way they see possible -- going to sleep and killing Kenneth in a Nightmare on Elm Street-style dream war. Unfortunately, when they set about it, they're actually not asleep. Fortunately, Pete arrives early enough to stop them from murdering everyone's favorite flash-dancin' Page. But it's a good deed that goes punished when the sexy Kenneth dreams (now with more Lemon!) transfer to Pete. And there are silver hot pants with a strategically placed NBC peacock. Ohhhhhh yeah.
Danny's success also inspires a bit of jealousy in Frank, Toofer, and Lutz, a.k.a. the Pranksmen. They mock up a fake, disparaging profile of Danny. Jack spots the prank immediately and mentors the young Canuck in how to retaliate. Thus is born a prank war, in which Danny is barely involved, weirdly. The writers dig up a powerful secret on Jack, forcing him out of important meetings and generally wrecking his day. In return, Jack threatens to have a threesome with Danny and Frank's mom. No joke. Jack, 1; writers, 0.
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30 Rock. Lemon and Jenna walk into work as Lemon describes her latest flop of a date. Lemon says she won't let one failure get her down, she's going to keep putting positive vibes out there and wait for good things to come to her. As if on cue, Kenneth tells her she has a message from a "Mr. deBarber." That'd be Floyd, Lemon's former love who moved to Cleveland. And yes, that would make his name Floyd deBarber. Obviously Tina Fey and her writers are banking on an older demographic. Jenna is astounded that Lemon's Secret-style approach to life work. She sends out a good vibe to the universe to send her a white football player -- "no kickers or linemen." Credits.
Over in the writers' room, Pete congratulates Danny on being nominated for a Juno, a.k.a. the Canadian Grammy. Danny explains that he recorded the "Are You Ready for Some Football"-esque song that plays on the big screen during Ottawa Senators hockey games. And, I must say, after listening to it over and over, it's kind of catchy. Could Danny and his Canuck friends have created the new "Umbrella-ella-ella-eh?" (No pun intended on the "eh.") Either way, the exposure has even scored him a New York Times profile. Danny leaves, and Frank moans about all of Danny's positivity. He, Toofer, and Lutz ("The Pranksmen") decide to mess with him by writing a fake profile and putting it in the company-wide press packet to make him look like an idiot. While Frank and Toofer are jubilant in their scheming, Lutz is just happy to have friends. The most he's ever had, in fact. Two.
Out in the hall, Pete finds Kenneth to tell him they need to keep Tracy and Jenna occupied all day so they don't see Danny's profile, get jealous, and act out like children. He says he's going to send them to makeup to get plaster casts of their faces made. He anticipates it should take about 12 hours (or at least that how long it needs to take), so Kenneth offers to keep them company. Pete's face absolutely lights up at the thought of Kenneth telling an immobilized, voiceless Tracy and Jenna his stories for half a day. He says they'll absolutely hate it, with a sadistic glee reminiscent of Gary Oldman's character in Hannibal. Kenneth's stories are that guy's man-eating pigs. And, coincidentally, about half of his stories probably do involve man-eating pigs. Pete leaves, convinced, and Kenneth chuckles to himself: "Silly Mr. Hornberger, always saying 'hate' when he means 'love.'"
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