The Worst Springsteen Song Eva
Crew Member: "At night I have to drive around Newark looking for my runaway daughter."
Jack: "Have you ever had sushi?"
Elisa: "I once had a very undercooked fish sandwich at a parade."
The Talking Big Head
Elisa: "I have another patient on my off days. He's a sweet old man with advanced dementia. Totally disconnected from reality."
Jack: "That reminds me. I owe Lou Dobbs a call."
That Is Mr. Sully to You
Lemon: "I should be going to the Caribbean. Instead I'm stuck here with you and a bunch of guys named Sully."
Spaceman, Jack, and Liz
Jack: "Lemon there you are. Leo's giving out flu shots."
Spaceman: "Not my favorite part of the medical profession. My favorite part is attending executions." Jack: (to Liz) "May I ask you a question as a woman?"
Spaceman: "You may Jack. Are you going to alter your voice or dress up in anyway?"
(at Liz) "I don't know what to do about Elisa. She works all the time. You know she's second generation Puerto Rican."
Lemon: "Jack you can't call her that!"
We Deserve the Same Quality of Health Care as Charlie Sheen
Jack: "Yes Lemon, important people get better health care. They also get better restaurant reservations, bigger seats in planes..."
Spaceman: "A more refined class of prostitute. For me it's really about the companionship."
Al Bundy, MD
Spaceman: "When is modern science going to find a cure for a woman's mouth?" My Thoughts Don't Lie
Tracy: "They said it was a flu shot, but I know it's really a truth serum."
Lemon: "It's not a truth serum."
Tracy: "Then why am I telling you, you look like Tootsie today?"
In Need of an Inaugural Ball
Jack: "Kenneth I am considering giving you one of the remaining flu shots."
Kenneth: "No need sir. It would be an honor to die at my post and be given the traditional burial of a Parcel man. Wrapped in a Confederate flag, fried, and fed to dogs."
Foot Race to the "Most Depressing Movie" Finish Line
Lemon: "In Cuba everyone gets free health care."
Jack: "What a surprise. You've seen the Michael Moore movie."
Lemon: "Think again Jack. I saw the trailer when I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks."
Some Thoughts Require a Helmet