30 Rock

Episode Report Card
Michael Neal: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Sickos
The jokes.

The Worst Springsteen Song Eva
Crew Member: "At night I have to drive around Newark looking for my runaway daughter."

Technically Tempura
Jack: "Have you ever had sushi?"
Elisa: "I once had a very undercooked fish sandwich at a parade."

The Talking Big Head
Elisa: "I have another patient on my off days. He's a sweet old man with advanced dementia. Totally disconnected from reality."
Jack: "That reminds me. I owe Lou Dobbs a call."

That Is Mr. Sully to You
Lemon: "I should be going to the Caribbean. Instead I'm stuck here with you and a bunch of guys named Sully."

Spaceman, Jack, and Liz
Jack: "Lemon there you are. Leo's giving out flu shots."
Spaceman: "Not my favorite part of the medical profession. My favorite part is attending executions." Jack: (to Liz) "May I ask you a question as a woman?"
Spaceman: "You may Jack. Are you going to alter your voice or dress up in anyway?"
Jack: "Liz."
(at Liz) "I don't know what to do about Elisa. She works all the time. You know she's second generation Puerto Rican."
Lemon: "Jack you can't call her that!"

We Deserve the Same Quality of Health Care as Charlie Sheen
Jack: "Yes Lemon, important people get better health care. They also get better restaurant reservations, bigger seats in planes..."
Spaceman: "A more refined class of prostitute. For me it's really about the companionship."

Al Bundy, MD
Spaceman: "When is modern science going to find a cure for a woman's mouth?" My Thoughts Don't Lie
Tracy: "They said it was a flu shot, but I know it's really a truth serum."
Lemon: "It's not a truth serum."
Tracy: "Then why am I telling you, you look like Tootsie today?"

In Need of an Inaugural Ball
Jack: "Kenneth I am considering giving you one of the remaining flu shots."
Kenneth: "No need sir. It would be an honor to die at my post and be given the traditional burial of a Parcel man. Wrapped in a Confederate flag, fried, and fed to dogs."

Foot Race to the "Most Depressing Movie" Finish Line
Lemon: "In Cuba everyone gets free health care."
Jack: "What a surprise. You've seen the Michael Moore movie."
Lemon: "Think again Jack. I saw the trailer when I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks."

Some Thoughts Require a Helmet

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30 Rock

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