Lemon's Thriving Social Life
Lemon [answers phone]: Hello.
Dick Lemon: Hey Liz! It's your father, Dick Lemon.
Lemon: Dad, you don't have to say your name every time.
Dick Lemon: Telephone etiquette is important, Liz. It lets people know your race even when they can't see you. Anyway, got a busy week?
Lemon: Not really. I was going to take this class called "Cooking for One," but the teacher killed himself.
Dick Lemon: Well how about a visit?
Lemon: Really? That'd be great. With you and Mom here, the doormen will have to eat their words about me never having friends over.
The Things Tracy Left Behind
Lester Holt [voice-over<>]: Tracy Jordan, star of the Fat Bitch movies, was also voted "Worst Representation of a Black Man" nine years in a row. Perhaps best known for his FCC fines and giving the Queen parvo--
Tracy: This is terrible. When I'm dead, that's what I leave behind? That's how my grandkids will remember me as they fly around in their jet packs?
Kenneth: Well, it's not fair out of context. Her Highness was sending signals.
The Bottom of the Bucket List
Jenna: What do you mean I don't have an obituary? I'm Jenna Maroney. I played "Arts & Literature" in the film adaptation of Trivial Pursuit
Page: I know who you are, Miss Maroney, but you're not on the list. They only make obits for people they think are... you know, important.
Jenna: Like who? Kim Jong-il? I never heard of her!
Google Me, Bitch!
Jack: What's wrong, Tra? Why are you sitting in your sadness spotlight?
Tracy: I've seen my NBC News obituary, Jackie D. I look like a fool in it.
Jack: Well certainly you can't be surprised that there's a lot of negative stuff about you out there? Don't you ever Google yourself?
Tracy: Sure, I Google myself all the time -- like when Angie's not in the mood, or I'm alone in a hotel.
Jack: Tracy, you do know that "Googling" yourself means looking yourself up on the Internet?
Tracy: I did not know that.
Jenna Does Death
Jenna: Jack, why does Tracy have a news obit, and I don't?
Jack: Huh. I never thought of you for the Donaghy Mentoring Experience, but you are an unceasing onslaught of dysfunction.
Jenna: Dr. Drew called me "unfixable!"
Jack: Let's think this through. You don't have an obit because you haven't done as much as Tracy has. His movies gross millions, his comedy albums go platinum, and he owns the world's only giraffe basketball team -- The New York Necks. So, your problem--