I'm Sure Freud Would Have a Few Thoughts on This Topic
Jack: Maybe it's because we didn't have fathers. Maybe that's why we're drawn to movies where the father pushes away the child-slash-legendary North American forest ape.

Kenneth Learns the Ins and Outs of Prison Bitches
Kenneth: But even prisoners have birthdays! I saw one on Oz. It was... interesting.

The Best Kind of Presents!
Tracy: I don't need a birthday, 'cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinkin', they're often a surprise.

Ripped from the Pages of an Academic Journal
Jack: This morning it hit me in the shower why the Hendersons named their guest "Harry." That film has layers.

Then How Do You Explain 90210? Lemon [spotting pregnant girl]: Becca! Pete: What's she doing here? Lemon: She is the show's new "Youth Consultant."
[wary look from Pete]
Lemon: It's a thing! The CW has one.

Take the Lead... Starring Jenna Maroney
Jenna: My heart goes out to all the inner city kids -- especially those too fat to dance their way out!

Lemon Shops at Talbots
Becca: I can't believe you don't have kids.
Lemon: What's that?
Becca: Well you'd make such a great mom. You're smart, successful, grounded...
Lemon: Oh, go on!
Becca: ...you already dress like a mom.
Lemon: Annnnd, stop.

At Least Homegirl Has Perspective
Jenna [seeing Tracy enter the birthday party]: What a schmo, entering first. Now I'm the headliner, and he's just the warm-up act. I'm Mr. Don Rickles, and he's just me.

See? Racial Wounds Can Be Healed!
Tracy: But I don't have a birthday!
Kenneth: You do now, 'cause we all love you and wanted you to feel this joy.
Tracy: I do feel it. You're all so amazing. And to think I was just calling y'all a bunch of racists!

Does It Come with a Bullet Proof Vest These Days?
Frank: Jack, I decided to take you up on your offer.
Jack: Good man -- and you went to my tailor. That's the same cut Reagan wore on the day he got shot.

Legalese for Dummies
Jack: And let me hear you say the seven most important words in the American judicial system.
Frank: "My client has no memory of that!"
Jack: I also would have also accepted "You can't prove that's the governor's semen."