Lemon sets her sights on a knocked-up teen who works at the 24-hour donut shop below 30 Rock. ["I have yet to find this mythic place." -- Angel] Amazingly, she actually keeps it together long enough not to snatch the still-developing fetus straight from the girl's womb. She does, however, offer the little minx a bunk "Youth Consultant" position at TGS, all the while buttering her up with effusive praise for her terrible teen music. Trouble arises when the father shows up, and Lemon spontaneously morphs into a teenage Nadya Suleman: "Like, OMG, don't let them take my bbs away!" She tries to eject him from the building, but John Lithgow arrives to teach her a very special lesson. She has a crisis of conscience and reunites the reckless young lovers so they can sing about rainbows and cobwebs for the rest of their livelong days (or at least until their next Skype fight) and screw up that bastard child real good. Lemon, 0; Committee Against Lemon Babies, 427.

Jack and Frank bond over Harry and The Hendersons… and, oh yeah, how much their absent fathers have impacted their lives. At Jack's advising, Frank reclaims the spot he secured at Fordham Law School God knows how many years ago. He even spiffs himself up for the occasion. Let me tell you, a cleaned-up Frank bears an eerie resemblance to Penn Gillette. That is not a compliment. That is never a compliment. Jack visits Frank's house to celebrate, and Frank's mother is Patti effin' LuPone. "Mama's talkin' loud! Mama's doin' fine! Mama's gettin' hot! Mama's goin' strong…" But everything is not turning up roses when Mama informs Jack that Frank's dad was actually one of a long line of lawyers… for the mob. He didn't abandon Frank as was earlier supposed. He's in hiding. Taking a lesson from George Henderson, Jack decides he loves Frank just as much as a massive woodland ape, so it's only right to send him back to the wilds of the writers' room. Next week: The triumphant return of slogan hats!

Jenna and Tracy's bizarro symbiosis heaves another step up its rickety ladder when Jenna's upcoming birthday reminds Kenneth that he doesn't have Tracy's birthday in his over-eager Page calendar. Because nothing is even remotely normal in the life of Tracy Jordan, he informs Kenneth that he has no birthday -- his childhood was too poor for such luxuries. Kenneth commandeers Jenna's fancy schmancy party so Tracy can have his first official birthday. Naturally, the fact that everyone's concentration will not singularly fall on her displeases, nay disturbs, America's Next Top Attention Whore. No amount of phony injuries, skintight frocks, or general Jenna-tasticness can tear everyone's attention away from… well… pretty much anyone but Jenna, so she throws in the towel and climbs out of her wheel chair. Yes, the Jenna-tasticness has escalated -- or shall I say, stooped? -- to wheelchair deployment. Check back next week for Adult Onset Autism. Ironically, Tracy reveals that his one birthday wish was for Jenna's (fake) injuries to be cured. So when she leapt up like a holy roller, he got his wish. She gets the satisfaction of knowing she was the object someone's -- anyone's! -- attention, and all is right again in Tracy-versus-Jenna-land. Now if they could only focus their peculiar powers on reducing carbon emissions or enacting world peace. Now there would be some real monkeyshines!

Who'd be Jack's perfect TV romance? Find out.